A little light relief...

This is the place to discuss not just allotments but all general gardening problems and queries which don't fit into the specific categories below.
(formerly allotments and tips, hints and problems)
Big Al
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A little light relief...

Post: #143916 Big Al
Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:56 am

........ or do we do these things anyway?

I got this in an email today.

In these harsh times we all seem to be looking for ways to stretch our
meagre salaries or savings out.

I hope the following suggestions may give some ideas how to best manage
in these dark days:


DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another
song
you like and hum that instead.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with
your old bank statements.

HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply
moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In
the morning, simply move it all back again.

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply
changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,

DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to
the object you wish to view.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and
walking around wearing a miner's hat.

The best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of
one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your
coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply
cross out the names and address of people you don't know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following
morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble
full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they
will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside
for ten minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really
feel the benefit.

CAN'T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film
and press them into your eyes.

WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen
chips from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.

MIX tea with coffee, and leave in the fridge to cool. Hey presto!
Toffee.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry
on a window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

Hope you save some money with my tips!!!
[size=150]Member of the Ishloss weight group 2013. starting weight 296.00 pounds on 01.01.2013. Now minus 0.20 pounds total THIS WEEK - 0.20 pounds Now over 320 pounds and couldn't give a fig...
Secret Asparagus binger

Loobyloo
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143918 Loobyloo
Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:01 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Cheers Big Al, brightened up my morning!

becks77
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143919 becks77
Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:01 am

I like the oranges one at the end! might give it a go!! LOL
"no-one can make you feel inferior without your permission"

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MuddyWitch
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143931 MuddyWitch
Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:32 pm

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.



Methinks that might be taking the excess packaging argument a tad too far... :wink:

Thanks for the giggle.

MW
If it isn't a Greyhound, it's just a dog!

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Millymollymandy
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143933 Millymollymandy
Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:37 pm

Hee hee! :lol:
boboff wrote:Oh and just for MMM, :hugish: (thanks)


http://chateaumoorhen.blogspot.com/

evelyn
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143934 evelyn
Tue Feb 24, 2009 12:38 pm

Thanks Al :salute: :salute: :salute:

Eve

ina
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143956 ina
Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:54 pm

I knew I had to come here for a little cheering up...

Thank you!
:flower:
Ina
I'm a size 10, really; I wear a 20 for comfort. (Gina Yashere)

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pumpy
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #143957 pumpy
Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:15 pm

Hi Big Al. For more 'top-tips', get a copy of Viz magazine. My favourite one recently........... if you are choking on a ice-cube thats stuck in your throat, don't panic.......... simply drink a glass of boiling water, hey presto......... ice cube gone!
it's either one or the other, or neither of the two.

Enormous Sage
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144180 Enormous Sage
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:02 pm

:)
There were a couple of good ones on the radio yesterday afternoon :

"Save money on cinema tickets by watching a film on TV and inviting a friend round with a loud voice to talk all the way through it, rustle sweet wrappers and trample popcorn into your carpet."

and

"Save money on dog food and washing up liquid by getting your dog to lick the plates clean after you've finished eating."

And my favourite one from Viz (though a little dated now) :

"don't buy the album "Big Country : Greatest Hits". Simply buy one Big Country single and listen to it 14 times"
followed by
"Don't waste money on buying a "Big Country" single. Simply listen to the theme from 'Z-Cars' "

Ellendra
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144183 Ellendra
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:49 pm

Big Al wrote:

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.



At the shop I used to work at, people actually did things like that. Usually with the sweet corn, but sometimes with things like oranges. The crazy thing was, they usually did it with foods that weren't priced by weight but by quantity, so a dozen ears of sweet corn costs the same with or without the husk!

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Millymollymandy
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144242 Millymollymandy
Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:53 am

I do that with celery because it is priced by weight and I refuse to pay for the outer manky inedible bits. :mrgreen:
boboff wrote:Oh and just for MMM, :hugish: (thanks)


http://chateaumoorhen.blogspot.com/

JakeR
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144497 JakeR
Sat Feb 28, 2009 3:36 pm

"A little light relief" is just the right title for this post. good fun - thanks for putting it up

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chrishopper33
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144582 chrishopper33
Sun Mar 01, 2009 9:30 am

very funny ideas there!

i bet some people do them all ha ha ha !
I LOVE TREES!

invisiblepiper
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Re: A little light relief...

Post: #144610 invisiblepiper
Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:32 pm

Gad - toothpaste mints!!!!!
Could do aniseed ones too :lol:
Nice post Al.
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference.
(Robert Frost)


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