Can you move from the country to the town and be happy?

[Mrs H]

Hi Guys, i wonder can any of you offer any advice. Currently Mr H, myself and kids live very rurally in Northern Ireland. We moved back from England 4 years ago but after much thought and deliberation we have made the decision to move back to England. We are not happy here and feel that we have really tried but all our friends are in England and we miss them all terribly, we talk everyday on the phone to them!
Heres the problem though, we live in a detached house in the country here, we have lived in the country for the past 11 years (we moved out of Canterbury when i finished uni). We love country living, i walk the dogs in the fields everyday, the kids are safe etc. However we have no money and currently are struggling to survive. Every time we go out we have to take the car, even if its just for a pint of milk. Our rent is also too much for us to afford now and the running costs of this house are enormous.
We have been looking for property to rent near Atherstone, Warwickshire for some time and have struggled and been turned down loads of times for houses because we have the dogs (even though they all live outside!) Yesterday i found a lovely little detached cottage, technically a 2 bed but it has a separate dining room that Mr H and i would use as a bedroom, it looks from the photos a gorgeous property, our friends are going to view it today for us. It has a small outside space, but enough for the kids to play and the dogs to live. Biggest issue with the house...............its in the town. Like properly in the town! Although from the aerial photos we can see that access to it is from a walk way of a cul de sac (which as an allocated parking space). So it is quite private. Everything we need is within walking distance. There is a play park for the kids close by and loads of areas to walk the dogs, the leisure centre for swimming is a 5 minute walk (the kids cant swim as we cant afford the diesal currently to take them.)
Basically the house looks grand, but can we move to the town from the country? Financially its a no brainer, the rent is alot cheaper as well as the reduced diesal costs. Its just, its such a huge change. The train line is close by as is a pub, all i can think of is the noise. Will we get used?
Also and i know this sounds stupid but i do wonder how safe the walkway is up to the house at night, our friend drove round after midnight last night and it was all quiet. We have never had to worry about things like this before!
Please help, have any of you done it? Do you think we are mad?
We have to make major changes, we are sinking and the kids have no life but do you think this is a step too far?
I have searched for suitable houses in the villages around Atherstone to try and get a happy medium but we cant find any that we can afford and that will accept the dogs and kids.
I would love to know your thoughts on this as my head is frankly pickled!!!!
xxxxx

[oldjerry]

First thoughts Mrs H, check out the top of the page.......''The URBAN guide to almost Self sufficiency''....... might think of more stuff later,but we've just done this(see Virtue out of Necessity) and though I miss the goats and pigs they just didn't pay their way well enough for me to not have bust my nuts doing some poxy driving\labouring job miles away to make ends meet.This is a completely different challenge,and hopefully without sounding too smug,to be honest,I rather like it.

[Mrs H]

Thanks Oj, im so glad to hear that you have done it and are also liking it. I did think about the 'urban' guide after id posted this!! And you are right about Virtue out of Necessity (i just googled it!!)
Do your kids enjoy it? Its such a huge change and i do believe that our kids will enjoy being able to do activities and actually see people! I havnt decided about schooling yet as currently Finny is at a small rural primary school with only 60 kids at it, not sure how he would cope with a school with over 200 in it but that can all be worked round.
Thanks for your reply, its a relief to hear that someones done it sucessfully. xx

[oldjerry]

This is only a small town(pop3500) I'm not sure I'd be so chuffed uif I was moving to a big city(though that in itself would be full of pluses and minuses).As for the kids,to be honest,they do a lot more now.I guess once you've run round the same fields 20 or 30 times it gets a bit samey(thoughI 'm sure lots of kids who've never done it might think differently).One things for sure,they are MUCH safer here,they can walk on pavements,and the eldest can safely ride her bike.In this area,I'm sure in the wilds of Scotland etc it's different,most rural roads are in effect ratruns,and unsafe for cyclists or pedestrians.Within 5 mins there's a swimming pool,Gym,Cinema(!) and Library,where in an hour they're going for a cookery lesson,and they'll walk there alone.
Noise? The Dreymen deliveringt to the pub on Tuesday at 7am(quite a nice comforting sound) and that's about it,no jets which used to really annoy me.Strange locking the house all the time though..

[Jandra]

Surely the house in town doesn't need to be for eternity? Suppose you really, really don't like it in the end, you can start looking for a better rental from a place that isn't sucking you dry financially.

You wouldn't want to uproot the kids every year, but right now it seems as though as though this might be a good option as you would be closer to your friends. If you're not happy where you are now...

[happyhippy]

We're thinking of doing the same thing Mrs H,although we don' thave kids these days to think about.We moved from a fairly big town to a small village.Both have positives and negatives imho!Firstly when we lived in town we were unlucky to live next door to the neighbour from hell.We both work full time,she was a single mum,but wow the noise was incredible.Party's,people out the back in summer talking loudly,drinking and so on at 3am,her dog barking constantly.We had no choice but to move because if we had'nt we would of gone insane with the lack of rest and sleep.I did like living in town though.The ease of being able to walk to shops,meet people in town I knew and a quick chat,if we wanted a drink we could also walk easily into the centre of town and not have to worry about who was going to drive.So we moved to a small village.Yes it was quiet here(until we,yes got another neighbour from hell just moved in 4 weeks ago!!!!!Can't seem to escape them!).I love the open countryside and we live within 2 mins of this.However thats probably the only positive right now.I thought we would be embraced by the community spirit but everyone seems to keep to themselves so we havent made any friends unfortunately.We have a pub which is ok but its really quiet,as you might expect.So....we are considering a move back into a town,not the same one we came from,but one thats closer to work.It would be nice to us to walk into town on a Saturday afternoon,do abit of shopping,have a coffee and so on without having to drive everywhere.It has plenty of pubs (not that we're heavy drinkers)and I won't feel so isolated.I love the country,but am very lonely too.So my advice to you is if you do move,I hope you have nice quiet neighbours.As someone else said,you can try it for a year and if you don't like it,then look at another move.Have you thought about applying for a housing association house?The list might be long but eventually you will get offered something,where you want to live?

[Graye]

Do a pros and cons chart. Something makes me think the pros will win.

You are lucky to be renting as once you are in place and find perhaps it isn't what you want (although, who's to say, it may just be perfect) you can take your time to look around. It sounds as if it's a really stressful situation you are in there and you will save money and have support nearby if you go for it. As for the alleyway, mount one of those timed lights on the house so it picks you up and gives you a lighted approach every time. They aren't expensive.

We are doing the same thing in a way. We moved into the very wilds of mid Wales a year ago. The house is idyllic - huge, modern, enormous gardens, no visible neighbours. BUT, everything I've planted has been eaten by slugs (no matter how I try to deal with the little beasts), we've had TWO bees nests under the sealed roof space which were impossible to move and the local council and local beekeepers couldn't help (we ended up literally having to poison them as they were downright dangerously vicious and I discovered I'm allergic to their stings), we also have the neighbour from hell whose son has a scramble track (on their land but adjacent to our house and miles from their house) which he uses whenever we might want to sit outside (I think he's psychic...), we are in a valley alongside a very pretty river BUT the whole place is permanently damp, it's 20 miles to the nearest reasonable sized town and even that is very limited, 5 hours drive from our friends.... and so on, and on and on....

So we've sold up, found a lovely house back where we started in North Yorkshire, complete with garden (smaller but reasonably sized), parking (not common in that particular town), needing work but no dampness. Quite private but walking distance to the town too. I'm absolutely dreading the move but I'm sure it will all work out for the better. My pros and cons list came down hard on the pros side!

[dustydave]

You can find happiness wherever you feel free and have options- so if you are renting then i wouldn't worry too much as you can easily move on, or not.

The two places that i can't deal with are housing estates and villages - i find you get the same type of people in both: nosey, cliquey, organisers, neuorotic, middle class wannabees.

The two places i really like are living right in the centre of a town, or right out in the middle of nowhere - in both places neighbours have to rely and depend on each other, so form deeper relationships based on respect. At the moment i live right in the middle of town and we get a bit of hassle of youths at night - all of the neighbours are backing each other up and so it feels good!

[Thomzo]

I moved back into town from a village as I didn't like being in the country. My house is on a busy main road but I've found that I tune the noise out, a bit like you tune out the noise of a ticking clock.

I did exactly what's been recommended above. I rented a small, affordable house while I looked around for my ideal home. 3 years later I found my current house, with its lovely garden, at a price I could afford. It was well worth the wait. You only need to sign up for a 6 month let. That time will fly by. If you hate the house, at least you are closer to where you want to be and can use the time to look for your dream home.

Good luck whatever you chose to do.

Zoe

[diggernotdreamer]

I had the opposite problem, I moved from a town to rural countryside. It is so quiet and dark at night. I had been used to the trains at the bottom of my garden running throughout the night, cars, police sirens (heard two in 4 years here), jet planes every couple of minutes and general hub bub associated with towns. Neither myself or oh could sleep at night as it was so quiet, we put the radio on and a light in the hall as we had always had a street light outside, if we woke in the night, the radio would have to go back on again so as we could get back to sleep, I know now what it means when someone says the silence is deafening.
We are used to the quiet now.

It sounds as if you were not disenchanted enough with your old life. We were fed up where we were and wanted a different lifestyle, but then there is just us two, no kids, well not small ones. All the young folk are leaving round here, there is not much prospect of jobs and youngsters coming into the jobs market are finding it hard to find any gainful employment, for that reason only, I think if I had kids I would be moving back to England.

Good luck with everything, what happened with your idea for the commune/house buying idea

[Marc]

Yes, certainly you can be happy. Happiness is a state of mind. If you're an optimistic happy-type person you can be happy wherever you are. If you're a miz then you can be miserable in paradise. I should know, cos I'm a bit of a miz LOL
I sure you can find ways to enjoy what you have, and fun and constructive things to do.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Marc