Rubbish 'carer'.

[Merry]

I guess that midnight rants aren`t the thing for true ish-es, but - - -
I wait on my OH hand, foot and finger and that`s fine. Although I know that many people who use a wheelchair are able to do a bit for themselves. Still - everybody`s different and he`s never been what yer could call domestic.
He`s got a hospital appointment on Friday and he said, 'The consultant`s rubbish, though. He`s never done anything to cure me.'
I must admit I was a bit sharp but I was kn*ckered after a long day. I pointed out that he had never done the exercises he was prescribed or followed any of the advice the physios had given.
I`m afraid I went a bit berserk when OH said, 'You never encourage me, do you? You`re just nasty to me.'
I was just horrible and went on at him a lot and said a load of stuff and then I went upstairs and did his bed and put his fresh water on his table and lowered the stairlift and put his wheelchair right and he`s gone up to bed.
Now I feel cr*p and wish I could take it back but you can`t can you and I didn`t know who to talk to so I thought I`d talk to Ish and I know if I hit 'submit' I`ll regret it and feel even more guilty. Oh god.

[tosca]

Well, if a rant on here makes you feel better, go ahead and rant. You must feel frustrated and even alone at times. If you have never been in your position it is difficult to understand. But having looked after my Dad (Mum main carer) for years who could but wouldn't do anything for himself I can understand you having a go.

Take care.

[Crickleymal]

We all say things we regret from time to time. At least you will have the chance to sort it out in the morning. The last I saw of a friend of mine, he was at a party, drunk and making a nuisance of himself and I told him he was a c**t. He died of a heart attack about a month later (due to alcoholism I think).

[Merry]

Thank you, folks.
I`m so sorry I inflicted the forum in this way. I won`t do it again. I appreciate your response.

[MarcherLady]

Merry, the comments you made sound fair to me, even if you did say them in anger. Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't mean your partner is beyond reproach if he is behaving badly, and using you as an excuse for not following Dr's orders isn't fair. I hope the two of you have been able to clear the air between you since Tuesday night. Perhaps the two of you could have a regular 'how are things going' session to let you talk about your relationship calmly before you get to breaking point? Anyway, I hope his appointment tomorrow goes well, and that he starts to show his appreciation a bit more. Make sure that you are looking after yourself too.
MLx

[contadina]

I'm with MarcherLady. It sounds to me as these were things you've held back from saying for a while and, although it's a cliche, you really do have to be cruel to be kind sometimes, especially when someone has given up and makes no effort to help themselves. Hopefully this will pave the way for some more honest admissions on both sides and your partner will realise that he can't expect to wallow and see results.

[Merry]

I`m very grateful for those positive comments.
It`s made me think hard about how useless it is to grit the teeth and store things up that could explode later.
Thank you very much.

[happyhippy]

I would'nt feel guilty Merry.Sounds like your partner is blaming everyone else except himself!he also has to consider your feelings in all this.You need a medal by the sounds of it.Just because your OH is disabled does'nt mean you can't tell it how it is!Yu ought to hear some of the stuff I say to my OH,and no he;s not disabled.I'm not advocating you go off at him on a regular basis,just dont beat yourself up over your outburst.You're only human!