Grief, 14 years on!

[Nomada]

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what I can say to you because I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel but I do feel for you and Neil and I didn't want to say nothing at all. I think you are incredibly brave and I'm sorry such a terrible thing happened to you

[Thomzo]

I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, either, but I felt shock, horror and more than a little sadness when I read your story. So whatever emotions you are going through right now is ok.

I do suspect that your parents are feeling more than a little sorry for what they did. It was clearly meant to split you and Neil up but it had the opposite effect and they must realise now that they have lost your love and respect. Have you tried asking them why they did it? I suspect it would be incredibly painful to ask but it may give you more understanding, even if you can't forgive them.

But I wonder if you are grieving for more than just your daughter? You also lost your parents at the same time. You didn't speak to them for 7 years and now your relationship is strained. It must have felt like being orphaned. These people, who were supposed to love and protect you, also took away your dignity, your freedom of choice and forced you to have a dangerous procedure against your will. No-wonder you are angry and upset.

I can't help you to feel better, only you can do that, but talking helps and we are all listening.

Best wishes Zoe

[Mrs H]

Thankyou so much guys for all your lovely thoughts. Strangely it really helped to write it all down, I've never done that before, easier to keep it all inside I suppose.
I know that I've definatly got to do something to help me cope with this. I went to the docs and requested my notes yesterday so I got some questions answered that I needed, they confirmed it was a girl. I felt very relaxed when I came out, like someone had lifted a weight of me.
I cherish my kids so much knowing that they should have a big sister, I put all my energy into loving and caring for them.
As for Neil, well I consider myself the luckiest person as he is the best husband ever. He is so supportive and obviously as she was his child too he understands the pain and hurt. Going threw all this just kept bringing us closer. He is a wonderful man.
Thank u all for all your support. Xxx

[fifi folle]

Glad you are feeling a bit better. You are lucky to have such a wonderful man!

[battybird]

Hi Glad writing it down has helped...it might not suit you but, in a similar situation (unresolved grief) I was advised by a very dear friend to write the person involved a letter saying all the things I wished I had been able to at the time or since. I did this and kept it for a couple of years. Then on the anniversary I took it to a place that was special to me and burned it and let the ashes go. It worked for me in that I did not get so screwed up again..and this was 20 years after the death. Hope it all settles for you and you work your way through it. Good luck to you and your family.