Twins

[Alice Abbott]

We have two of these strange beings. One is placid and easy going, the other is vaguely hyper, into mischief and usually a complete pain. I think you can probably see from the photo which one is which, despite them being identical.

They are now a year and a half old and have begun "socialising" at a local creche type gathering. The pushy twin loves it. She dashes in, organises the toys and other kids, chatters away (they are managing to be reasonably bi-lingual with the smallish vocabulary they each have) and becomes very excited when she knows we are on our way there. The quiet one is completely the opposite, sits on a chair playing with her fingers, refuses to speak to anyone and ignores all the toys. She doesn't cry but looks thoroughly miserable throughout.

I've tried staying with them or leaving them and she is the same. I don't want to really stop taking them as one of them has fun but the other one is clearly unhappy. What are the views on actually splitting them up for the few hours involved? She could just come home with me until closing time and perhaps we could try again later. Or should I just persevere and hope she improves?

[Zech]

I'm speaking from a position of complete ignorance here, but why not split them up? They're two separate people with different personalities, why should they do the same things all the time? If it was me I'd keep taking the one who enjoys it to creche and let the quiet one come home, then try taking her again later. Of course, having you all to herself might be a big incentive not to enjoy it next time she goes!

[demi]

kids are often shy in the beginning when starting new things.
id keep going with both of them for a while longer to see if she gets used to it and becomes more confident. try to encourage her but not force her. if she doesn't improve after a few more weeks then of course you can split them up. but take them both together evey time and offer her the chance to join in, if shes really not happy then dont force her, but she'll probably come out her shell once shes more familiar with the place and the people there.

[Alice Abbott]

OK, next instalment.

I took them both this morning. Vivi dashed in as normal, ignoring me totally once she was through the door. I told Geneva we would go home and make some cakes and then come back when it was time for Vivi to come home.

As soon as I got her strapped in the car and took off she screamed as if she was being murdered. "I want my soeur!" (they have not yet decided which language is which so we get a bit of a mishmash, especially as her older siblings now often speak to each other in French and I look after a little French girl after school.)

After about two miles of this I turned around and took her back. She beamed when she saw where we were but then immediately took up her usual position on a chair against the wall, taking no notice of what was going on (or her "soeur" for that matter) and started fiddling with her hair and her fingers.

I think I will just have to assume that she is happier being miserable around Vivi than being at home alone with me making cakes (usually something they love...)

Oh well, off to get then now. Problem apparently solved for the time being though!

[Zech]

Glad you've found a solution

Maybe she's not as miserable as she looks. She might really enjoy the hubub around her, even if she's not up to engaging with it.

[demi]

yesh, im sure given time for her to get used to it she will gain confidence and join in with the other kids. i wouldnt worry .

[Alice Abbott]

Here's the funny bit!

When they came home from school I asked Pia and Luca to ask Geneva about her trip to the creche.
This is the conversation...

Pia "Did you have a lovely day?"
Geneva "Yeah!"
Luca "Where did you go?"
Geneva "Inna car to see Lally" (the lady who runs the creche is named Sally...)
Luca "Did you play with everyone?"
Geneva "Yeah!"
Pia "Do you like it there?"
Geneva "Yeah!"
Luca "Didn't you want to make cakes with momma?"
Geneva "Nah! Like Lally's with Vivi!"

So now I know, she's perfectly happy there and apparently imagines she actually DOES play with everyone. Sally assures me she just sits on her chair and watches but it seems she is actually enjoying herself. Oh well...

[happyhippy]

Hi I'm a twin,and a "mature"one at that!lol Look if I had been split from my twin at 18mths for any period of time,I would of screamed my head off,and I'm pretty sure my twin would of done the same!My Mum has told me we were inseparable.I'm sure the quiet one will eventually choose to be abit more pro active.Most twins seem the same,but are somewhat different.Out of me and my twin,I'm now the more confident and outgoing whereas at your twins ages,she was!!Twins go through alot of changes over the years.One minute you can't be separated,the next,you can't wait to do separate things.

[southeast-isher]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh cute, my nephews are twins.

[sammyh]

quick post as supposed to be writing essay.....
I'm the quiet twin in this sceanrio! I was always the shy, quiet one- I'd say I would have loved some time to mum on my own but as you tried that just let her get on with it! lots of kids don't really 'play' with other children at that age ( I know my son didn't). Actually my advice to you is carry on you seem to be doing just fine! And BTW it STILL drives me and my twin crazy that people can't see how alike we are- we are very different people but we think that in the important bits we are the same but NO ONE ELSE HAS EVER GOT THIS!!!! I love being a twin, feel sorry for all you singletons out there. Hope your two enjoy it as much as I have!!!

sam