You know that you're a Townie when...

[Annpan]

1. You think they take the cows in at night

2. You think that you need a cockeral to get eggs from chickens

3. You think that you can hatch an egg from the supermarket

4. You realise that - having lived in the same house for 5 years - you still don't know what your neighbours look like, let alone their names

[the.fee.fairy]

5. you look down on people who take the bus, or cycle
6. You call allotments 'stupid'
7. You KNOW that all your veg comes from T*scos
8. you will only eat food from t*scos, because if they sell it, it must be safe.
9. you don't see the point of closing gates in teh forest because you can't see any deer, therefore, there must not be any deer this week!

[pskipper]

10 Blackberries come in plastic cartons
11 You can't possibly eat the plums and pears from the tree in your garden because they might not be safe (OH's ex-boss)

[Thomzo]

You think that if you cut down the trees in your garden you can burn them all on the bonfire the same day.

Then, when you can't get the bonfire to light you throw petrol on it several times.

Then once it's lit you add the kitchen units that you've just ripped out.

Then you wonder why your neighbours are all complaining.

Then you get fed up with the neighbours complaining so you leave the bonfire blazing away and go out for the rest of the afternoon.

This actually happened at the weekend. One of the neighbouring houses has a nasty infestation of builders and this was what they did. I could hardly breath in my own garden. Poor chooks were smoked. I really could not believe it when I realised they had gone home leaving the bonfire burning.

Still - I know where all my slugs and snails are going - over the hedge!

[funkypixie]

You move house and the sound of the sheep keeps you awake at night (happened to us! But only for a few days)

You think your Sunday joint comes from a 'beef'.

[Bonniegirl]

Your kids think milk comes from T***o (not mine!)

[Annpan]

You don't understand how 'they' can make ostrich meat into a burger

You don't know that hamburgers are made from cow meat

It takes your friend 10mins to convince you to try an ostrich burger, you couldn't possibly eat anything 'wierd' - They spend another 10 mins explaining what an ostrich is.

When the man selling the ostrich burgers says it tastes 'gamey' you look at him blankly

When he eventually hand you the burger you ask "but 'ow am I s'possed to eat it"





An overheard conversation at the Farmers market a few weeks ago

[thefriarandme]

When you think a cow is a bus with no windows.

[yugogypsy]

You think if you go 10 miles out of town, you're in the wilderness and bears or cougars will come and eat you.

Lois

[hamster]

When you refuse to walk along a country road because 'there isn't a pavement'.

[mrsflibble]

you are wearing jodphurs and riding boots, yet there is no horse in sight
you are wearing jodphurs and riding boots, yet there is no horse in sight, just your dog off its lead on a public footpath through a nature reserve which has signs all about stating dogs must be kept on a lead; but of course this dowsn't refer to you as you are a "resident".
As you are busy ignoring what your unleashed dog is up to, you stop to stare at the wierd hippy lady who is teaching her child how to pull blackberries off a plant without hurting themselves.
You sneer at the hippy when she says hello.
you snap "he's perfectly friendly" in a plumby accent at the hippy when your unleashed dog comes too close to her unworldly toddler who thinks everything with fur is friendly
You look on blankly as the dog proceeds to snap at the hippy's heels; making the hippy glad she picked up her toddler- friendly my arse.

[Annpan]

You utter the phrase... "but you don't even have mains gas!!!"

You utter the phrase... "but where do you buy bread and milk in the middle of the night"

You cannot understand how to cope in a powercut - My Mums husband once said, well at least the baby slept through it... the power cut was 1/2 hour, at 10pm... and what exactly would have been the big deal if she hadn't?

[Super.Niki]

5. you look down on people who take the bus, or cycle
6. You call allotments 'stupid'
7. You KNOW that all your veg comes from T*scos
8. you will only eat food from t*scos, because if they sell it, it must be safe.
9. you don't see the point of closing gates in teh forest because you can't see any deer, therefore, there must not be any deer this week!

sounds like the mother she's describing...

[Super.Niki]

haha when your flatmate picks some basil of her lovely plant to have in her soup while the other flatmate is busy nibbling on the chives that are growing beside the basil... you look at them with sheer horror and screech "oh my god, you can't eat them... you'll get food poisoning"... and wonder why your two fellow house mates are in fits of giggles!...actually happened to me today!

and the hamburgur one is so true! especially with (sorry guys) Americans! you guys always come up to me at the till and say "can I have a hamburger?" and look at me blankly when I reply "well ours are made from beef"...

[ina]

... you don't know that a cow has to have a calf before she can produce milk...

... you don't know that grass is a crop - and one of the most important ones in Britain...