bringing up baby

[mrsflibble]

ok, hands up who wanted to slap the 1950s nurse and cuddle the babies?!
ME! I DID!!! MEMEME!!!

I'm a cross between the 1960s follow your instincts and the 1970s total contact with my baby.

[circlecross]

I get quite upset seeing things like that (but continue to watch them of course). Dh and I were in agreement that they will never have that baby to cuddle again. I regret moments I haven't cuddled my two - they don't care! I don't get it - yes, I would quite like the occasional evening without a small person perched on the sofa near me, but we had a struggle with ds1, so I obviously breed them clingy, but if I "wanted my life back", should I just not have had a child? I mean, you must have a baby with the notion of raising, and nurturing a little person, not view it as a hostile parasite - why have it if that's the case? If you want a small person to live in your house, advertise for a lodger of small stature! I go with the 60s approach of trust yourself, but ds2 has opted for the 70s approach of not being put down!
I felt sorry for the little girl, who couldn't understand why she couldn't cuddle thebaby, poor little thing.
Yes I did want to slap her - she doesn't have children herself, no wonder if she views them as monsters. Babies maybe do want attention, but they are little balnk canvasses, waitning to be filled up, not left by themselves in a dark room!

[Annpan]

I don't have a TV so I haven't seen the program but I have to say that I was all into the whole relaxed, do what your instincts tell you thingy... then E came along and it all went wrong, I couldn't breastfeed, (I was expressing every 2 hours and bottle feeding E every 2 hours) my hormones went MENTAL, my family all descended on my house, none of us were sleeping, we weren't eating right, NO ONE gave me any support or assistance (except OH) And the health-visitor kept telling me "just do what seems right for you"

Then I found a website discussing Gina Ford's ways of doing things, I adapted it to suit my lifestyle and BINGO, E is the most mild natured and content soul I have ever met. I know alot of people see some of her metheds as cruel but I don't agree. I do think that children need training and discipline in the very early years, and it has made my life bareable. Some people really need the structure that this kind of routine brings.

E has never sat up with us in the evening, she very rarley wakes at night time (teething is the exception) she is happy playing on her own and I am able to do some things that would have been impossible to do had we not had the structure and routine

Sometimes I wish she slept in the same bed as me, that I could carry her around all day and we were a bit more free and easy, but it just didn't work for me.

[mrsflibble]

I don't wish to say anythig bad about gina ford... 'cos she has sued a couple of forum owners for what their members have said about her... (no I am not kidding) but all I can say is: didnt work for me. couldn't have worked for me, no way i would/could touch it with a barge pole. but everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

[circlecross]

I think Gina Ford is different to what this woman was`advocating, she said "if you are not feeding your child you donot look at or touch it". I think GF allows you play time. I think it is necessary for children to have contact with other adults AND time to play on their own (can't remember who said children should be bored for some time of the day, in order to become creative), I think it is cruel to deny a small child contact (which is NOT the same as establishing a routine, which is necessary at some stage in a child's life). I used GF to see when I SHOULD be doing things with ds1, ie feedtimes but had to go with the flow as ds1 would not be constrained. Ds2 enjoys regular meals but doesn't do sleep. Both children are LOUD! ds1 used to cry unti he threw up EVERY time, so controlled crying was out. Chilodren are not all the same, so while routine may work for some (lucky) people, we're a more laid back house

[Annpan]

I didn't mean to go off subject then (I thought it was just a routine thingy) GF definaetly 'allows' you to play with your child...How do they learn, and smile, and be happy if you don't?

I really just used it like you circlecross, for guidance, but whenever things start to get tough for me again, I go back and find out where I went wrong. The only thing I do find crazy is the...2.00 - 2.10pm - now you should prepare the afternoon snack while the baby plays quietly on his mat....This is taking structure a little too far
But as a rough guide for someone who doesn't have a clue and who has NO support or help I'd say it is essential reading, even if it doesn't work for you, which is understandable, no method can work for every child.

E didn't sleep for longer than 10 mins for 6 weeks, and cried the rest of the time, except when I was pushing her around in her pram (when she just looked scared, but she was quiet) It took us about a week to get into a routine (adjusted to suit us) and then she slept and I had a shower, and 5 hours sleep... bliss... I was not going back.

As for GF sueing websites, I think they did go abit ott on that particular site calling her all sorts of names and miss quoting her all over the place. Which I don't think is right to do to anyone.

[Clara]

I have no idea what GF advocates, though it doesn´t sound like my style, however I just wanted to say to Annpan that although you say that following your instincts didn´t work, I have to disagree, i think follow your instincts is exactly what you did. There are many opinions on how you should bring up baby, and what you did was find one amongst the plethora and follow it, adapted it and it worked for you. Now your instincts must have told you that this was right for the individual that you have on your hands. And that is the crux of the matter isn´t it? All babies are unique and whilst we as mothers play a major role in shaping their personalities, they are born with opinions of their own! Our role is to work with the human being that arrives, not some imagined example from a book.