Friends coming to you on their 'holidays'

[dustydave]

Unfortunately I’ve found that you have to choose your friends wisely when you become self sufficient. Not only because it’s very difficult for ‘career’ type friends to understand that sometimes every penny is needed to balance the budget, but also because they tend to exert a subtle influence that can make you feel that what you are doing is a bit weird.

Which is why it’s such a joy when you meet like minded people - because it feels that you don’t have to explain and justify a philosophy that really shouldn’t need to be justified.

[oldjerry]

*takes a bow* in this case it was needed! actions over words! [/quote]

I don't think that's harsh at all,you can care about the enviroment,wish no harm on anyone,etc etc,but that doesn't make you a doormat. Most of my friends think I'm bonkers,but they'll take their boots off before they enter your house and if they're a guest,the onus is on them to pay for the entertainment.

[diggernotdreamer]

I have had time to evaluate this friendship, I have know her for 25 years. She is and always has been single with only cats for company. I have had periods of no contact with her, when she is going round to other people (I only found this out last year by accident) whingeing that she can't cook, doesn't know where to buy food etc etc, with the result these nice people have taken her under their wing and helped her out, all of which I have done as well. She may well be lonely, but she is also very selfish and a thief of peoples spare time and kind natures. The comments made have helped me a lot and I think next time I get the phone call, I will politely decline the lovely offer of her visit, or in the spirit of Berry tell her the heating has broken down or that we have an outbreak of dysentry in the area So I think the answer is no I don't enjoy her company any more.

[GeorgeSalt]

I would try the simple approach, "Much as I love your company, I just can't afford it". It may make or break the friendship, but it will give you the opportunity to explain just how much a single additional journey means in relation to your income and monthly budgetting.

[Maykal]

I've only had two sets of friends visit me. I paid pretty much everything when the first couple came to visit us, transport, petrol, food, and drink, but I know that she had recently lost her job and he wasn't earning much and they have a young daughter so I was more than happy to pick up the costs. However, they did chip in with the renovations - she was up n the roof with me replacing battens and tiles and he (an electrician) repaired our broken vacuum cleaner. All in all, I consider everything fair.

The second couple to visit insisted on paying for everything - all the transport costs and all the meals and shopping. The guy is very well-off however and generous to a fault.

Regarding the OP's case, there are some (well-off) people who simply do not take money into consideration, as another poster mentioned. I read somewhere that Sting was a classic example of this: always cadging drinks off mates down the pub because it simply never occurred to him to take money with him.

[boboff]

It even weirder with family.

My parents are divorced for many years.

If we all go out with my Dad he pays.

If we all go out with my Mum we go Dutch.

If people come to me I pay for the food, they bring there own drink, with enough for me.

If we go to my Sisters she asks for us to bring sweet/starter or something.

I don't have a problem with any of it really, as we are all open about it, and don't ever expect something for nothing, and even if dad does pay we always offer him the money. (unless he's made it clear and said he'd like to take us out for dinner)

I think thats the key to it all, expectations.

It's much like going out, I make a point that when friends and siblings come to stay, I buy drinks in the Pub for me and mine, and they buy their own, I do this with friends also. It might seem odd, but having spent 10 years as an MD where I was the only one buying the drinks, I feel happier.

It's funny though, a few times, now everyone knows thats the score, where as previously they would come to the Pub and sponge, they now stay at home and babysit for me and the misses! RESULT!

[berry]

.

If we go to my Sisters she asks for us to bring sweet/starter or something.

Thats how i do BBQs and such here. i let everyone know im getting the veggies and some cuts of meat, will get the fuel/wood for it and everyone is to add something to the table.

my siblings always refused - my "party" i pay yet my latvian friends really do make an effort! last BBQ they brought round fish they'd caught the night before.

the way they see it, my hospitality and friendship is worth the effort. i think thats the key. if friends value you they will make the effort even if it is just having the conversation over who'll pay even if you agree they wont.

[Mustardseedmama]

We never had anyone come from the city to visit us! I had no friends in the city at all, only co-workers. My co-workers thought even less of me than I did of them---they were a lazy, gossipy, and mercilessly conniving lot, who thought I was completely bonkers for quitting five years from early retirement, and I'm very glad none of them ever wanted to come out for a visit.

Now I have a lot of friends, and whenever we get an invite to anyones home, the first question that pops out is "What can I bring?!". It's almost always accepted that you will bring something---usually the hostess provides the main course and the rest of us fill in with appropriate sides/desserts...and then we scrap (playfully of course) over who "gets" to clean-up and do dishes. I love and appreciate my friends.

Digger I'm glad you are putting a halt to a relationship that's so one-sided.