Breast feeding, socially unacceptable or not?

[citizentwiglet]

Haven't read through the whole thread, I admit and apologise. I breastfed openly around family and close friends who 'understood'. I draped a shawl over my shoulders when out in cafes, or the street, or wherever. I did that as a respect to those people who don't, and won't understand it. It was a minor 'sacrifice' for me to make, I never made breastfeeding a political issue. Some people don't mind it, some people feel uncomfortable. Who would I be to make them feel uncomfortable when draping a beautiful handknitted shawl over my shoulder was enough to make them appreciate that I was feeding my son, but not being 'showy' about it? My son and I were both happy with that arrangement, I saw no reason to start politicing my actions.

I stopped breastfeeding due to medical reasons, I had no choice. I sat in a cafe full of breastfeeding mothers and got the worst abuse (not to my face, just loudly discussed for me to hear) for bottlefeeding. Prejudice and small-mindedness works both ways. That hurt me more than anything else in my life, how I was judged. You can't please all the people all of the time. Do what thou will, someone will always berate you for it. You'll either show too much, or hide away, or, God Forbid, bottle feed. But as long as you and baby are healthy and happy, to hell with everyone else.

[MrsD'ville mkII]

I'm staggered that this debate continues in the 21st century - SURELY it's reasonable to feed your baby its ideal food in public? I hope my daughter, now seven, doesn't have to deal with any of this nonsense when she's a mum.

I fed DS in public fairly happily, but he mucked about at the boob sometimes which made me feel like an exhibitionist, so from 6 months or so I started taking formula out with us as it was less of a nightmare, and was part of a long-term plan to move over to formula. However brazen you are (I should add here that I do life modelling for art classes, so I'm not shy!), sitting there, boobs out, spraying milk everywhere while a 6 month old pulls off every 10 seconds to look at something interesting is just a pain.

[spughy]

This is an interesting discussion and I'm glad it's so civil, still!

I just want to point out that attitudes towards breasts are cultural, and culture can change. In this case, I really think it should - because the notion that the perceived discomfort of others should come between a baby and its best possible start is just wrong. Moreover, as I mentioned before, I think the emphasis on discreet nursing continues to perpetuate the view that there is something socially *wrong* with breastfeeding and it DOES discourage women from doing it.

Anyway, these things have all been said before. I want to provide a look at what breastfeeding can be in a culture that truly values it. This: http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/07/bre ... -khan.html is a really interesting, uplifting and encouraging article about cultural attitudes towards breastfeeding in Mongolia. Enjoy!

[Clara]

Tits out for the babs! I once tried doing it discreetly, I´m not sure why, what a palaver, baby/toddler tugging on shawl, rearranging shawl ad infinitum. Never again, my babies get fed wherever and whenever they are hungry and whatever that causes others to see. Until NIP (nursing in piublic) becomes a regular sight BF in itself will never return to it´s rightful place socially and culturally. In over 3 years total NIP I´ve never been challenged about it, I think you have to do it looking confident or just getting on with your other business (like typing this right now!), if you look sheepish it gives people the idea that you are doing something "wrong" and an inlet for them to attack you.

[Urban Ayisha]

hey clara! welcome back! i've been wondering where uve been! hope everythings ok with you and your newest addition. xx

[thesunflowergal]

hey clara! welcome back! i've been wondering where uve been! hope everythings ok with you and your newest addition. xx

Ha ha you beat me to it!!

Glad to see you back Clara

[Clara]

Hola! All good, just a lot more work with two kids up a mountain and DD1 has started school(ish) so a lot of time taken walking back and forth...besides I put myself on a forum diet to stop me losing so much time! I´ll drop in occasionally though, missed the ish

[Millymollymandy]

I missed you too Clara and noticed you were missing but thought you might have been in the throws of moving.

Any news on the sale of the house? Is moving back to England still on the cards if the house sells?

[Clara]

Well our house here is for sale but we don´t expect it to sell soon, though we have had some interest and we´re just in the process of buying a house in Wales which we´ll live in until we´ve sold this place. It´ll be nice being back in the UK but a bit daunting going back on-grid (and we´ll get off again asap!), it´s not something I´ve done for a long time, probably be needing all the ish tips regarding how to lower electricity bills (it´s been about 7 years since I´ve had one, I think prices may have rocketed?!).

Date for homecoming some time around June 2010, so we have a very sweet 4 bed stone house with small garden with river at the bottom (fenced) in Powys to rent out for 6 months if anyone is interested

[citizentwiglet]

Lovely to see you Clara. For the record, I think you are right about confidence being a major factor with breastfeeding. I wasn't terribly confident, he wasn't great at latching and went through some nasty phases of oral thrush that made feeding quite distressing; so I was almost constantly fiddling about with him, so I think the shawl was almost like a security blanket for me as well, if that makes sense - I didn't want anyone to see how much I was struggling. (Even though, looking back on it now, it must have been pretty bloody obvious, really!).

I think where you are in the World - hell, even in the UK, has a lot to do with it as well. Some places are a lot more tolerant, some places people just gawp at you so hard you want to offer them a go as well if they are that interested. And I just don't like being gawped at, for whatever reason.

[liskeardjane]

It's sad women have to worry whether they breast feed of not or where they do this? my youngest baby is now 17 and I fed her anywhere and whereever she needed feeding - I never remember anyone noticing and no one ever said anything to me - boob out and baby on simultaneously - you would have to be very quick to have noticed any flesh but you would have noticed the lack of crying with a queit fed baby! i fed in church, on buses, in cafes and pubs, on the beach and no one seemed to care.

[Helsbells]

Are you living in the UK liskeardjane? Its good that you have had a good breast feeding experience.

[liskeardjane]

I am in the UK helsbels - I fed both my kids until they could get up and walk and fetch their own food!!!! lots of my girl friends fed their kids too and it seemed half the town had a baby at once and both aisles of our church was full of prams and buggies and if the minister had good enough eye sight! he would have noticed the tiny members of the congregation having their milk! I can remember sitting on a bench feeding my daughter and chatting to an old couple who didn't even notice and travelling by train and feeding and even going to the pub on a sunday lunch, sitting in the pub garden with other new mums and all of us feeding and no one cared! must be cornwall as we all have our boobs out on the beach and no seems to notice or care!

[Helsbells]

I think that this is the differance between myself and my husband (origional start of the thread)
I grew up surrounded by women breast feeding so it was something that seemed normal to me, no one made a big show of it, but also no one hid themselves under a towel of cushion (which was why I found this so odd).
Yet my husband did not see women breast feeding at all. So to him it seems totally alien.
I will just have to wait and see how I feel when the time comes.

[liskeardjane]

he'll get over it when it's his baby that's hungry and needs feeding, instinct will take over and he'll just want what's best for the baby - what ever you both choose that to be