Selfsufficientish.com

Given that I fully appreciate I'm the only one who can actually get on with it.

I was wondering how you out there in the world of Ishness juggle all your various commitments?

I've returned to work three days a week. Have two smallies under the age of five, an allotment, a husband that works every hour that God sends trying to start up a business, as well as the eldest and myself having a few health issues - I feel as though my Ishness has really taken a hit, my allotment is a mess I hardly get down there long enough to harvest anything, let alone keep it well tended.
I have done hardly any preserving and I feel I don't have the time to 'do' anything well, or for that matter finish it even! Oh I forgot to mention the unfinished extension!

Anyway that's enough of the moaning. Have I simply got too many fingers in too many pies, or does anyone out there have a practical solution sorting out all this stuff to 'do'?

In anticipation!

Lorna xx

for projects make a list of them all in excell is good.
Then give each a rank of usefulness - 1 being vital to continued existence through 10 being nice but utterly useless
Give each a rank for achieveability - 1 i could do it now with no effort at all through to 10 being impossible.
In a 3rd column add the two scores then sort the rows according to the third score from the lowest numbers to the highest.
Delete the projects you complete and add, compute and re-rank with new projects.

So it's not just me then!

I struggle with motivation!

I am not sure what the answer is, but I think the most important things are your happiness and the wellbeing of your family. Where we get this Victorian Catholic guilt from I have no idea, I blame the parents.

If anyone knows how to beat this, I would be happy to know.

One thing we have learnt recently is that for "big" jobs, that you are putting off, recruit a friend or OH to help, even for just a morning, it is surprising that when you have help you will get up and get on, and be really surprised how much you get done in a short space of time, and the good start will encourage you to carry it on. This works with decorating, gardening and surprisingly housework as well.

I find with motivation there's sometimes something sapping my energy and then when I sort it out I feel inspired to do other bits. Of course I don't always know what it is that's sapping my energy until I've confronted it and done it, that's the exciting thing!

(You do sound very busy though, so give yourself a break if you just can't get everything done. And don't worry about doing things properly - I'm a neurotic perfectionist and I get really hung up on not doing things at all if they're not going to be right, but my experience is that it's much better to just do something, even if it's a bit crap, and then move on. Obviously that works better for things like hoovering than rewiring a house, if you're rewiring a house I admit you need to do it well. )

It sounds as though there is far too much for you to do on your own - and if your husband works long hours I am guessing you might feel a bit lonely and overwhelmed and discouraged about it all. I think establishing priorities and not expecting too much of youself, as have been suggested, are really important, especially if your health is less than robust at the moment - you won't be able to do anything at all if you go under. Just wondered whether you could get together with others to work on some things - perhaps the allotment? Wish I was closer, i'd offer to share it with you. Easier to do things and keep an eye on the kids if there are two or three people working, not just one!
I remember feeling like I would never again be able to do anything again when my son was little - but it does get easier. Now he's 13 and has size 9 feet - how did that happen?!
Keep posting, don't get down about it all. We can only do what we can do.

I know the feeling. I'm back in full time work now and there just aren't enough hours in the day. I've given in to it a bit, hired gardeners and taken to buying a salad for lunch from the local sandwich shop (they do make lovely salads though and it is a small, locally run shop).

Sometimes you just have to accept that you aren't superwoman but a sensible grown up that makes sensible decisions about what is and isn't sensibly achievable. Does that sound sensible?

It doesn't stop me from sitting in my office at home on a Wednesday stuck in some boring spreadsheet watching jealously while my gardeners prune my trees and edge my lawn (although I have to say that they do make a good job of it).

Zoe

I agree with Jed (except I am much less organised with the list!) I write down everything I want to do and prioritise it, set myself one target a day ...has to be achievable though, so small steps (ie not to clear the whole allotment..just to do one acheivable part)
If you get one thing done, you can feel good and if you do more...GREAT! Remember to actively identify what you have done each day...rather than feel bad about what you have not done... A group can achieve a lot in a couple of hours...what about having an "allotment / extension party" where friends help out and then share a meal afterwards (all bring a plate of stuff or takeaway). I once swapped jobs with a friend and we cleared each others kitchen cupboards out...much more fun than your own, and we were very ruthless with each others clutter!
I BET you do loads of things well but you are just overwhelmed with everything..the point of selfsufficient-ish is surely that it isnt all perfect all of the time...a bit of ishness is better than none..so be kinder to yourself. A very wise old lady lived next door to us for many years when the children were small and I was working and trying to do everything and being frustrated that I couldnt. She told me that sometime in the future I would find myself with lots of time to do everything, a neat house and garden, fewer money worries but with the family all left home..and she was right! You can only do your best!
What a rant...sorry!
Anyway it gets better/ different/ changes

If you've done your best, then you can't possibly do any more.

I think you're doing really well - no, don't hit me - as I am at home all the time and still don't have time to get everything done. I had been feeling really tired and 'down' and my memory was/is terrible and so went to my doctor for a check-up. Doc took some blood samples and hey presto! found that I'm anaemic. Now being pumped full of iron tablets and living in hope that I get some zip back...........now, then I have a rather long list of 'to do's'! Don't be too hard on yourself Lorna, sounds like you are superwoman

Thanks guys, the posts have been a real help. I'm a list writer already, but hey were growing to he point of the ridiculous of late so the prioritising sounds like the best idea.

I have also been talking over with friends about. Having an extension party, it's just the OH who finds it incredibly hard to ask anyone to help him, his sense of pride is enormous and in the most endearing way, but fustrating all the same., especially when things aren't getting done! When we thought I was going to have my heart surgeries this autumn he promise me that he would get our extension / kitchen project finished - now I've been given a repreave till Christmas and not a jot has been done towards it.!

We've had a heart to heart, he's accepted that I find his inability to ask others to help infuriating, and hopefully he will swallow his pride long enough to realise that we have to ask way before someone will offer .

Anyway feeling better about it today, scraped a bit more old paint off the windows. Made some jam. Pickled some onions and got a tonne of housework done... Can you tell it was my eldest first day at school?!!

Thanks again for the posts xx

I think sometimes, tasks just build up and when you have too many, you get overwhelmed and then you don't do anything. I don't take the time to write anything down, seems like just another way of putting off what really needs doing. Start with something small that you know needs doing, once you accomplish that task, the feeling is so good that you often go on to another one, and maybe just one more, yeah you will stop eventually but that feeling of accomplishment will last and you will find yourself more willing to do whatever else needs doing because now you don't feel so overwhelmed.
Anyway, that is what works for me.
Oh and the computer is a serious killer of time, set yourself up an hour to play on it and then get off it.

Hi,

Not that I am perfect at these things, but I have been a lot more productive since I vowed NEVER to start one project before starting another one (mostly applies to sewing projects).

I also break my day into chunks - i.e 1/2 hour of housework a day, no more - just do what I can in that time and then stop.

It would help if I could get rid of the flipping 8-6.30 working day though

Sometimes I feel like I am putting pressure on myself to do so much, that I don't ever actually enjoy any of it...it is one thing tending and nurturing a garden, but another to feel crap about yourself because you haven't had time to pick the caterpillars off the kale for the last 3 nights in a row.

Good luck anyway - hope things calm down a bit for you.

I'm like you in that I tried to write lists but they were getting stupidly long which was just making me feel even worse about myself. Now what I do is pick something.

At the start of the day or the night before I try to decide what 'thing' it is that I will do tomorrow. If I then manage to actually complete said 'thing' I find I am happier than if I just meander from one thing to another without any sense of purpose. Even if that thing wasn't necessarily the most important, it's still better that I actually did what I set out to do.

I know what needs doing but I know I simply can't do everything all in one go or possibly ever . With young children it is so hard, especially when you are the only one who is able (or sometimes willing ), to do anything.
There is some great advice here, and I intend to try some of it myself . Have an from one busy , busy mum to another.

I'm reading this with interest as I have felt overwhelmed by all the stuff I should be doing and I don't even have kids or go out to work!!! It helps having some rain so that has freed up my time instead of having to water so I have finally got my bramble jelly done and that's the jam making finished for the year! Might get round to some housework by October but as I don't have anyone coming to stay untill 3rd weekend that doesn't matter. Of course I ought to be using this free not watering time doing something useful but I'm back on my computer yabbering away instead - but I've been on my feet all day so need a bit of R&R. Good luck to everyone with getting things done.

We're a bit like that too!

Our List is split into several sections - Indoor, Outdoor, Animals... all tasks which are not normal day-to-day stuff are put on there, and are marked up if they are free (i.e. no equipment, materials to buy) or can be done at night (i.e. in the winter!).

That way, we can get on with the free jobs, and save up for the materials etc needed to do the others, and if we get a horrible weather day, we can do stuff inside.

Examples of our jobs include:
Stripping paint from upstairs doors
Boxing in pipes in bathroom
Breaking up concrete in garden
Lifting flags from shed base

Our task this weekend is moving 40m of stock fence further down the garden. We've borrowed a post-knocker-in-thing, and don't need to buy anything, as we're reusing the existing posts etc.

Doesn't it all sound lovely and organised?

So, why did I sit on my backside all last night and fall asleep on the sofa with the dogs without doing anything except feeding us??