Helping out a young mother

[Milims]

Today my friend across the hedge had a call about a young mother in the village who was in a tight situation. I seems that her regular benefit payment hadn't been paid into her account so they said they'd pay her by giro - only we are snowed in and the post can't get to the village! So this young lady had been left with no money, in a village that is inaccessible because of the snow and no where to turn. (Personal experience tells me that this village if full of people who would rather call you names than stop and help!) So we rallied troops, raided the stores and came up with, terry nappies for the wee one, folding methods for them, logs for her fire and more than enough food to see her thru until her giro arrives. We've discovered that she's living with no real home comforts - like carpets, so we've said we'll keep an eye out on freecycle and help her fit baby gates to the stairs so that her wee one can be safe etc. She seems like a really nice young woman, who is clearly devoted to her wee one, who is a really delightful child, and she was really grateful for the help and the company today. We are going over tomorrow and my son is going to clear the path, my daughter will play with the wee one for a while to give her a break and we'll see what else we can do. My question is, how do we help and encourage this lady without overpowering her?

[snapdragon]

By doing just what you are doing Milims - being her friend
It's difficult to always be the recipient, but you could barter with her for maybe some help in the summer? and of couse helping her to help herself with sulfsufficientIsh hints and tips

[homegrown]

Just ask, her what help she needs or wants, sometimes its that simple. maybe if she has the space you could help her establish a small vege garden, sometimes just a cuppa with some and a break from the baby will be enough. you and your friends are obviously wonderful neighbours and should be commended.

[crowsashes]

theres been a couple of times when ive had this happen ( money stopping before xmas, and trying to get things sorted but couldnt till the new year) and really wished someone had been kind enough to help out!

i think its lovely what you have done. as i know is especially hard as we ( single mums on benefits) rarely have the ability to put a bit aside for such problems or even plan ahead and keep a few weeks worth of tinned/frozen meals and nappy ( something ive been able to do now though since growing my own etc)

the difficulty in providing 3 decent meals a day is pretty much why im here ( as well as all the other reasons )

best thing you can do is keep doing what you are doing and just be a damn good friend as one thing we all know happens is when you have a baby you tend to lose a fair few friends ( i lost a lot as i just 'grew up' and had more important things to do than going to the pub) i think i still have just the 2 friends from pre-baby me but ive made a few since but it takes a hell of a lot longer because of all the logistics of it!

again keep doing what you are doing

[oldfella]

"BEING THERE " for her, is the greatest kindness you can show. May I say Thank you to you and your friends, as you have made a great start to my day.


Eddy

[Milims]

Aww thank you guys. Like so many people we've been there or not far from it, and I know I was lucky enough to have my family and friends to help me through, so it just seems right to pass it on.

[Millymollymandy]

I echo what everyone else has said and if only there were more people in the world like you and your friends Milims wouldn't the world be a better place. Well done!

[Silver Ether]

This is just about the nicest post I have read for ages ... What good folks you are ...

[citizentwiglet]

Yes indeed, well done to you and your army of willing helpers, Milims. That has cheered me up no end as well - how wonderful to see that 'old-fashioned' community spirit and neighbourly values still exist.

[Milims]

What makes me laugh is that many of the people round here consider me to be a freak/evil b*tch from hell because I tell their kids off for throwing snowballs or mud at peoples windows and other similar antisocial behaviour!!

[Rosendula]

I was in a similar situation when I was a young-ish mum with my first child, some 17 years ago. I never had the benefits not turn up and was never snowed in, thankfully, but I lived with second-hand carpets with big concrete gaps, slept on a 2nd-hand matress on the floor, etc., etc. My good friend at the time became my OH, moved in, found a job (this was during a recession, too, so he was in and out of work), furnished us and has managed to stick with me ever since ;)

I'm pleased you have made sure she has enough food, but is there any way you can make sure she is eating it? If her child is not yet eating cooked meals, she might not be cooking at all. It's really difficult finding the time, the energy and the enthusiasm to cook just for yourself when there's a little one to look after. I would often get to mid-afternoon and realise I hadn't eaten anything at all yet, even though I managed to keep food in the house.

[liskeardjane]

I HAD TO REPLY - my son is 24 now and I was only 20 and a single mum when I had him, I was scared, lonely, on benefits and every day was a scrape by to cope. I found a charity called Gingerbread and some older parents were able to support and help me and to this day I have never forgotten their generosity, time and friendship. They helped me find furniture, clothing, they helped by bringing logs and bits of paint and helping me tidy up my rented home. Just keep in touch with this mum, keep helping, it's better to help even if she can get by on her own than the lady trying to cope. Thanks so much for helping her and just be her friend xxxxx

[theabsinthefairy]

oh milims - she is so lucky to have you there.

[Milims]

As it turns out she doesn't need help now - she's moved her fella in! Hey ho - we were happy to help when needed and should the situation arise again we'd do the same.
Thank you all for yor kind coments. Hugs right back at ya!