A little bit pregnant...

[sortanormalish]

Congrats! Even after 4 the thought is still excitng and a little scary. I never understood women feeling like failures for having a section or not breast feeding. Of course, I never had a section and I breastfed almost nonstop for nine years, but I always knew that sections happen and boobs don't always make milk. I recommend you place your sense of accomplishment on a happy baby. I would say healthy, but you really have no say in that either---assuming you're not engaging in risky behaviors. I did 'do everything right' and still had a baby almost three months premature. I never beat myself up over it. I knew I had to save that energy for taking care of my children. If I had a golden nugget of knowledge it would be this, Look ahead. You can't change mistakes you make (and you will make them) but you can learn from them and move on. I am discovering this attitude is crucial for the rearing of teenagers.

Oh yeah. I never understood weaning babies at a year old. I let all of mine wean themselves, the premie nursed until he was more than three, but the others all weaned themselves between 16 and 24 months. It can seem overwhelming to engage that much time, but they only nurse every two hours for a few weeks. For about half of nursing, they only nurse two or three times a day.

[citizentwiglet]

"I never understood women feeling like failures for having a section or not breast feeding. Of course, I never had a section and I breastfed almost nonstop for nine years, but I always knew that sections happen and boobs don't always make milk"

LOL, that's probably why you never understood it! Unless you've been there, you don't know the guilt that some people can make you feel.

Congratulations to you, honey! As others have said - don't set anything in stone. Breastfeed, if you can. If you can't, don't stress about it. Use reusable nappies, if you can. If you can't get your head around an extra routine in your life (that nappy bucket fills up awfully fast, and you've got to get them dried and aired, and oh-my-god-I've-got-so-many-other-things-to-do), in the early days a few disposables are not going to signal the end of civilisation as we know it. Even starting on reusables at 5 months old will make a MASSIVE difference, both to your wallet and to the environment.

Get to know your birth choices, and don't believe the first thing they tell you - i.e. 'You can't have a homebirth, you're a first time mum', or 'you've a low level of amniotic fluid, we'd better book you in for an induction'. Investigate first. Equally, however, don't hold out for some perfect, natural birth. Giving birth HURTS LIKE FECK. I won't kid you on. It hurts more the first time, I think, because you're a bit frightened by the whole thing too. If you need drugs, or a c-section, your body will tell you. I know plenty of women who have only had gas and air to deliver a baby (I was one of them), but VERY few of them were with first births. I had every drug going first time round, and only entinox the second time round (and not much of that, TBH, because it made me feel a bit queasy - it was VERY LOUD MUSIC that got me through) and both times were brilliant, in their own way. But the second time hurt a lot more, LOL!

The biggest hurdle for me was breastfeeding my first - it just didn't happen. My son ended up in hospital at 6 weeks old with 'Failure to Thrive'....and my god, I'd tried. I'd been so desperate to breastfeed, and tried so hard to do so; but I had no option but to put him on formula. Some of my 'friends' who consider themselves good Earth mother types made me feel so guilty, constantly spouting on about the 'evils' of formula, I ended up with postnatal depression because I felt so guilty. It turns out I AM one of those rare breeds that simply cannot produce milk in enough quantity. That doesn't get back the first 18 months or so of my eldest son's life where I was seriously mentally ill.

I didn't even try breastfeeding my second, I just put him straight on the bottle. I couldn't go through all that depression, guilt and self-loathing again. And guess what? He's thriving. He's happy. He's bright. He's never had an ear infection, or a tummy bug. And I wasn't a wreck who lost the first 15 months or so of his life, like I was when I had PND with his big brother. HE might have been put straight on a bottle, but I was there for him - happy mum, happy baby. I would still strongly recommend you try breastfeeding, though - it does work for most people - just don't listen to the 'do-gooders' IF (and I say IF) you have to stop. I'm all for the promotion of breastfeeding, but not to the extent where formula feeding mothers are made out as social pariahs and constantly belittled and berated for their decision by 'do-gooders' who don't have any idea how vulnerable women who cannot breastfeed are.

[Mr and Mrs luvpie]

Just one thing to try and remember in 9 months time, if you are set on breast feeding and if you have problems, it's not easy, number 4 gave me all sorts of problems and nearly 6 months later we are still going, but your local maternity hospital should have a feeding/lactation consultant, who should be able to help you with any problems or questions in more detail than your health visitor. I wish i'd known that earlier as it may have stopped some of the grief i got and am still trying to amend. As others have said though don't beat yourself up, my number 3 really struggled and i didn't get help but went to formula as it made for a less stressed mum ;) this time round it was important for me to have a good experience for numerous reasons but that saying it did make me a little obsessed.

suppose all i'm saying is don't stress about these things the important thing is you and baby being well and that you know all your options (all 4 of mine were section babies and it didn't take anything out of my experience ;) )

[JulieSherris]

Congrats on the pregnancy - I have an addition for your list!

Get your relatives or friends to get together for xmas & get you a full-on salon day as a xmas pressie.
Then, when you're about 8 months or so, book yourself in & have every treatment that you can!

My eldest was expecting at the end of Jan, so I gave her a salon voucher - this included a full hair do, a facial & make up session, nails, toe nails & foot massage, a body massage - although she had to be supported with pillows & had it sat backwards on a chair legs waxed, underarms & bikini line done (she decided for a full wax though to save the hospital having to mess with her!)

She came out looking a million dollars & it really picked her up at a time when she felt just like a 'fat whale'!!

And after all, by that time you'll be needing a day 'just for you'.

Good luck!

[grubbysoles]

Julie, that's such a lovely present for a big, waddling, heavily pregnant lady! Reminds me of when I went to get my hair cut when I was 8 months pregnant. I'd been having really bad hot flushes - I waddled up to the hairdressers (all uphill) and while I had the attractive apron thing on, and various hairdresser clips in my hair, I had to go outside for fresh air about 3 times because I kept having these hot flushes. It was on a main road and I was having to lean on a post box to hold myself up. Goodness only knows what everyone driving past must have thought

[mrsflibble]

congrats on the bellybean, and go with the flow. we tried reusables when soph was about 4 months old. I HATED the things. i think living in a flat and relying on an external company to do the washing was my main problem. it was onyl when i was trying to get soph dry during the day that we went back on reusables, and this time used terries. a month and a half or so she was dry in the day and it took another month to get her dry at night (ok, the odd accident but nothing much to speak of). I feel like I did a bit of helping!

I too had a section. I too could not breastfeed (was very ill after she was born) and felt guilty about it, but I look at her little face now and have conversations with her and I know formula did her no harm.

as for the baby led weaning; I'd say don't leave it to 6 months. if they're curious, let them try stuff. like another isher, soph used to nick food out of my hands. and as for sterilising everything, i figured when she started rolling over at about 4 months and licking the carpet to see what it felt like, and also shoving anything she could get her hands on into her mouth then so long as the bottles were scrupulously clean and made up with boiled water, they didn't need sterilising.

baby wearing is GREAT; but that's just my opinion. I did both though. I had a buggy and a sling when she was tiny, a buggy when she was a bit bigger and then made a mei tai when she was just under 2. she was carried in that until she was nearly 3. i didnt stop because of her weight, I stopped because of her height. I'm only 4ft 8 and kept falling over backwards because she made me too top heavy!

if you have a baby sling like a mei tai, get yourself a babywearing poncho. don't pay a load of money for one, I can tell you how to make one or modify a fleece poncho. it's all I did lol.

[Kaida]

What's a babywearing poncho, MrsFlibble?

[citizentwiglet]

I'm not MrsF, but I thought I'd answer in case MrsF is having computer probs or something......a babywearing poncho is a poncho with two head-holes, so you can babywear in all weathers. If you look at my profile pic, that's a Mai-Tei type carrier, and it can be a bit awkward to put on OVER a coat. You can wear it under a coat, as long as baby is on your front, but it can get quite hot. Obviously, you can't put a coat over it when they are on your back - voila! Le babywearing poncho.

MrsF, I am getting to the same stage with Fin now - he loves to sway madly from side to side when he's on my back (when he's not pulling my hair or pinching my bingo-wings.....)

[vicki]

Just one little thing to add: My boy is 12 weeks old at the moment and I have horrible back pain from lifting him so often and for so long. I don't think I could manage without my pram!

Congratulations on your news!! I am waiting to forget the labour so that one day we can try for baby number 2

[citizentwiglet]

Hey Vicki!!! Congratulations! Where have you been hiding? I was only thinking about how you were getting on the other day. (Don't worry, it doesn't take long to forget the labour, honest!).

[thesunflowergal]

Congrats Vicki, hope you and your little man are both doing ok. x

[oldfella]

I was so sorry to read that you were only a little bit pregant, and I hope you are better now and fully pregant ," been keeping my fingers crossed for you".

[circlecross]

Just read this. Agree with the "don't beat yourself up" bits - but I continue to do so, as that is the kind of person I am. Having had number 1 son on gas and air, I had swanned around planning if not a home birth, then the most loved up natural birth possible in a hospital. Ended up with a c-sec for footling breech. Don't think I could have done anything to change that, but still got depressed over it. Breast feeding was easier with number 1 - I even donated milk to a milk bank - but with number 2 I didn't have the time to keep expressing, so caught mastitis. Twice. I perservered, because I felt like a failure not giving birth,so I must continue to breastfeed in order to be "a mother". Don't let yourself think like this. Pregnancy/birth messes with your head as well as your body. Just keep reminding yourself what a marvellous think creation is, and you've done it. Enjoy the baby, and if anyone comments on your messy house, or the overflowing bin, or your chocolate and crisp addiction, tell them where the bin bags are or the hoover, and say that your chocolate could do with a cup of coffee to wash it down.
As for how to be the perfect eco-mum - second hand stuff (don't be proud), some lovely fairtrade stuff if funds allow, make food, walk or cycle places, or go on the bus. Look after yourself, as hospitals are expensive and drugs aren't very eco-friendly. Treat yourself to nice bubble baths, and I have a mountain of washable breast pads I can post to you if you like.
And buggies are great for going shopping with. Baby-carrying is great in confined spaces, but the buggy was indispensible, especially with two.

[Kaida]

I'm afraid I've been absent from Selfsufficientish for a while because first my morning sickness was horrendoius, and then I found out I've had a missed miscarriage. I'm still waiting for nature to take its course, and I hope to join in a bit more on the boards by way of distraction.

Thank you all for the advice and well wishes. I'll keep it all in mind for the next baby, who will hopefully be luckier than this one.

RIP Morgan.

[Green Aura]

I'm so sorry for your loss Kaida. Look after yourself really well honey.