Do I tell someone?

[Milims]

Here is the background:- My daughters friend lives with her grandparents. She has regular contact with her mother. My daughter has on more than on occasion ended up in a dodgy situation as a result of being with this girl. (Another story) I've told her to stay away from her. Tonight she was supposed to be going to another friends birthday sleep over, but I discovered that she was actualy with the afforementioned girl and planning to spend the evening at a (dodgy) funfair. I was absolutely furious at the web of lies and told my daughter that she had to come home or I would call the police (they've been involved before as a result of this girl) A few minutes later the girls mother called me and said that my daughter was welcome to stay, they were all staying at the grandparents house and that the girls were to be picked up at fair by the grandfather. I explained that I was sure that my daughter didn't have enough money to go to a fair and that I was unwilling to allow her to borrow money. During the conversation my daughers friend began to swear at her mother and be verbally abusive. I told her that I was going to pick my daughter up immediately and allow her the space to sort out the situation with her own daughter. By the time I arrived, 3/4 hr later, the mother had gone out leaving the daughter with the grandparents. It seems that in that time she had set upon her grand parents, pushing her grandfather to the floor and pulling her grandmothers hair (apparently not the first time) These people are in their late 70s. While I was there she was verbally abusive her grandparents and extremely rude in her speach and behaviour. I have come away really distressed and extremely worried about the welbeing of two really lovely elderly people. I am aware that they have contact with social services, so do I say something?

[Green Aura]

I think you should. It won't make you very popular with anyone, I'm afraid, but if these people are vulnerable they need help. If social services are already involved maybe you could call their on call worker and ask advice first.

You'll need to talk it all through with your gal though -if she's anything like mine she'll be trying to work out how her mate is in the right and been hard done by!

[citizentwiglet]

I agree....I'm not normally a 'snitch', but, as you say - these are two elderly people. In my mind, the elderly are as vulnerable as children and need, and deserve protection. Bones can break VERY easily when you're that age, you could end up in hospital and never come out again. Sorry to sound so doom and gloom about it, but it's the truth. Death from complications borne from broken hips in the elderly is all too common.

What a nasty piece of work this young 'lady' sounds. Does your daughter REALLY want to be associating with someone like that? How did your daughter react to all this? Was she shocked by it? Christ, this is ABUSE - and the mother is, in my opinion, almost as guilty as the daughter, going out when she must have known that her daughter would round on her grandparents the minute her back was turned.

[Millymollymandy]

Yes I would talk to the social services if I were you. We, the readers of this post, don't know enough about the situation but I think in your shoes I'd feel a lot better for having said something even if the family in question don't appreciate it (which I doubt they will!).

[123sologne]

I can only agree with what was said by others here. How old is this girl? If she is over 16, she can get into serious trouble for what she is doing. Think that if you do not say anything and one of these elderly persons get hurt, you will wish you had said something. As for your daughter she needs to be told that abuse is not something always orientated at a child and that her so called friend is the abuser. Finally if social services do nothing, there is still a record of it and when the s*** really hit the fan, this is bound to come out against them. I am so sorry for these poor people. This is dreadful!

[Nojoke Matt]

Definitely inform Social Services if they are involved. I used to work as a paper shuffler for a couple of years within a dept for vulnerable adults and from experience this is exactly the kind of thing they need to know about. It's when people don't tell them about incidents that things escalate and end in disaster. Make sure you speak to the Social Worker involved directly if you can, sometimes communication within the departments at councils can be pretty poor.

[old tree man]

Yes......... please inform the authorites, at any time this sort of behavior can escalate beyond the control of the individual, and if to elderly people are at risk it is totally justified also for the care of your daughter, what a horrible situation for you, our thoughts are with you

[homegrown]

Definately!!!!!

I f something happens you'll never forgive yourself and besides those grandparents have a right to respect and dignity from both their daughter and grandaughter.

[Jerseymum]

As with all the above: Social Services need to know so that they can help everyone in this situation.
Sarah

[battybird]

Agree with everyone else...if you phone the social worker and have an informal chat and ask for advise...you will have done all you can. Your daughter may initially think this is "snitching" but if she is as sensible as you sound, she should realise (eventually) that this is the right thing to do. The other thing that occurs to me is that maybe the girl herself needs help...the NSPCC may also give you advice...she must be really unhappy (am I being naive?? ). As MMM says, we dont know anything about the situation but you obviously feel bad about it all and need to do something!

[Milims]

Thank you all once again for your sound advice. It's realy good to know that I can turn to you when I need to be reassured in my beliefs. I've talked to my daughter, she told me that she was friends with this girl because she wanted to help her - she wanted to be a good friend. A very noble thing to do, but as I told her, this girl is beyond the kind of help and support my daughter can offer and that the friendship has led to trouble. My daughter told me that she couldn't believe the way her friend had behaved (she was there at the time), and she said that she doesn't want to be her friend anymore. I'm rather concerned that, judging by this girls behaviour, she may turn against my gal, perhaps even violently. So I've decided that my best course of action would be to contact the school on Monday and speak to the family support team, explain what has happened and my concerns about the grandparents, the girl and my daughter. I'm quite well acquainted with the family support lady and she knows that I'm not just some interfering, malicious old bag. I'm aware also that she will know about the girls family circumstances and quite likely be in contact with social services. If not I'll discuss with her about contacting them myself. Either way SS will be alerted and everyone, including my daugher, will be protected.

[Mrs H]

Sounds like a good plan chick. Bless ur daughter it must have been hard for her to see that but good for her to see what her friend is capable off. Goodluck tomorrow. Xx

[Millymollymandy]

It sounds like a good plan to me, hope it all goes well.

[old tree man]

Good luck

[Milims]

Update: I called the family support unit this morning, unfortunately the lady I needed to speak to was very busy and despite saying that she'd call my by 1pm she didn't manage it. So I called the head of year and explained the situation and my concerns and he agreed that the grandparents are in a risky situation and that he would take the matter further, as he is aware of the family situation. I also explained my concerns about any fall out connected with my daughter breaking the friendship. I feel relieved to have said something, for all concerned. Thank you again for your support