A bit of tea and sympathy required......

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A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248047Post Green Aura
Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:07 pm

......please :icon_smile:

If you want to get on to this important bit scroll straight down to the last couple of paragraphs. The preamble is by way of explanation and to get some serious issues off my chest!

Our daughter moved up to join us in March 09 after really struggling by herself down in Manc.
After a few months of recuperation we started to look at ways for her to make a living and several months after that a building in the village came up for sale - very cheap because it had been unoccupied for many years. It was perfect for her ideas to open a vegan deli and I encouraged her to expand the deli to a bakery so she could make a living - vegans are a bit thin on the ground.

To cut a long story short, after several months of hard work and several thousand pounds lighter of bank account we now have a re-roofed shop and workshop (plus loads of bakery equipment) and lovely shop, right on the village green. The back of the house i.e. living accommodation is still waiting to be done but thanks to a bequest from OHs recently late Grandfather we can afford to complete the work now.

So there's light at the end of what has felt like a very long tunnel.

A couple of months ago the gal met a new fella and has now informed us she's moving away to live with him. I can't actually describe how I feel about this. I'm really trying to see this as a positive step for her but at the moment, to be honest, I'm failing dismally - as well as seeing all the sh1t she's leaving us with is making me so livid - well I'm really struggling. There's been quite a lot of crying and low voices (I'm not a shouter).

So, and this is the important bit I mentioned above, we now find ourselves with a house, workshop and shop going spare! We're not really sure what to do with it. We're thinking it's probably not the best time to sell - while we're not interested in profit we would like to cover our costs. So we may well rent it out with a view to selling it on if whoever lives there wants to buy. The house has 2 bedrooms and a good sized garden - currently offering blackberries, pheasant berries and rosehips in abundance! A machete is required to retrieve them though. The only thing we've definitely decided on is that we'll finish the renovations and then decide. The other important issue is that whatever we do must involve another craft business opening in the village. Oh and if anyone wants to buy a load of bakery equipment get in touch - although I'm sort of tempted to move all that in here and change my business!

Any ideas would be most welcome and if anyone is interested let me know. This is a fabulous place to live and it's a wonderful life here but there are a few drawbacks. Unless you have a proper job like my OH (IT professional who can work from home) the season is short and the work can be hard (my shop is open 7 days a week from Easter to the end of Sept)- the upside of that is 6 months playtime every year (well if you don't include preparing for the next season and catching up with all the jobs you can't do during the season). Although a few villagers don't, it's damn near mandatory to have a car - the nearest supermarket is over 70 miles, the train 55 miles and virtually no bus service. Although a veg box scheme will hopefully be starting next month - which will be a huge relief. Most people hit Inverness (100 miles away) about once a month to stock up.
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248049Post Pumpkin&Piglet
Thu Nov 10, 2011 12:25 pm

I'm a bit far away to provide the tea but I can give my sympathy.

I'm sorry you are struggling cope with these circumstances - understandably!

If I think of any ideas or come across anyone who could help (I will ask around!) I will let you know.

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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248052Post boboff
Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:43 pm

That seems unfair on the face of it.
Although the issolation you mention needs to be a choice.
Ummm, what would I do? I think I would finish the accompdation and let it out seprately to the shop to start off with, if you get enough money in from that to cover yourself, then great, or even think about letting it for Holidays?
Use the shop window as a display for you own business in the mean time to attract people to your place.
Try and get the community involved in suggestions for the shop, you could consider a long lease to a charity "friends of" type group who could run it for the benefit of the community? That or use it to stage craft fairs encouraging people of the area to sell crafts?
Set the ball running now and get people making things over the winter, try and get volunteers to staff it, and split the proceeds 40/60 shop to maker.
Hmmm, no that's it really.
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248054Post trinder
Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:59 pm

Yes I'd certainly be needing tea and sympathy or a ruddy great stick to whack her with. No seriously the initial response is "the ingratitude" but after that comes the reality that actually if she was a bit fragile before and then the business doesn't thrive how much worse would it be. I'm thinking a bit depressed and the next logical step?
. I'm sure one of the ishers will jump at the chance and then you'll have nice neighbours not a miserable daughter.xx
by the way the biscuits are gingers today.x
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248058Post spider8
Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:14 pm

A similar situation happened to friends of ours but not similar in the fact that the property was rented and they were a married couple. They were left with big debts for all the equipment and things were not very amicable, divorce going through now.
Lots of sympathy as it's left you in the lurch and you may feel that your daughter is throwing it all away for a man who may not last the course. Oh dear.........I take it you wouldn't fancy moving there and taking on the business yourselves? Ever fancied being a baker who sells other stuff too? No, thought not. Sorry but I don't know what to suggest apart from renting the place out, just the house bit or both if you can fine someone. Just make sure the community knows this place is up for offer and hope that someone wants to have a go. Good luck :hugish: .
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248059Post Lost-in-the-Day
Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:46 pm

Speaking as a daughter who has had to move back to Hotel Mum&Dad after some set backs I would have to say she needs a serious smack round the head (figure of speech) to knock some sense into her.

I know I'm being rude but I think your daughter is being very selfish and very naieve. Number 1 as you say she is leaving you with a big mess. You put in a lot of hard work and money so that she can get herself back on her feet and she repays you by walking out and leaving you with the clear up. If she wants to move away it should be her responsibility to sort out and finish what she started. Number 2 she only met him a few months ago and already she's moving in with him? My warning bells are going off left right and centre at that, sometimes it works out really well for a couple living together after such a short time (I'm one of them) but far more often than not it all ends in tears and I've seen a number of my friends go through an awful big mess because they moved in with new partners without thinking it through properly.

My advice is speak to your daughter about all this, it sounds like you already have but you really need to hammer home how this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. She needs to take responsibility for herself and until she does I can see the same thing happening all over again. They'll break up, it will be messy and she'll move back home and expect you to pick up the pieces for her. It will be crushing having to do that, especially given the way she's repaid you this time round.
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248060Post Susie
Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:50 pm

Oh bloody hell GA. No advice but lots of tea and sympathy from me, we're having Yorkshire Tea hard water blend and Jaffa Cakes, does that sound any good? I'm actually sitting here thinking if there is any way I can uproot and rent your house and run a bakery, sadly not possible, but the whole place sounds wonderful (although, my OH does only have to be in Cambridge in term time theoretically... No! Mustn't go down that route! ;-) ).

Why can't your daughter's new chap come up and live with her and help with the bakery? (And I'm sorry because I'm sure you've asked that!). I hope daughter's making the right choices for herself, not the right ones for the new chap :-(.
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248064Post Green Aura
Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:08 pm

Thanks folks

Yes, we've had "the talk" and made it quite clear she won't be being rescued again, so if this goes pear-shaped she needs to have secure accommodation/job etc. Fingers crossed eh?

In some ways, despite wanting to kill her (just a little bit :iconbiggrin:) it is a relief. I moved up here from a very stressful job to take things easier and enjoy life, not start a new business that means I've got to get up at 4am to make bread! Especially now we're mortgage free and can start to wind down a bit.

Hey ho - it looks like my new career might be landlord instead! :roll:
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248066Post boboff
Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:13 pm

Things happen for a reason I am sure.

There is just as much chance this chap is the one, and they settle down forever and have lots of little trainee bakers.

If you let the property and keep the shop who knows in 20 years time they might all be back, helping get you dressed in the morning etc.....:-0)
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248068Post Green Aura
Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:28 pm

:shaking: :shaking: :shaking: !
Maggie

Never doubt that you can change history. You already have. Marge Piercy

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. Anais Nin

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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248072Post Graye
Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:45 pm

We've just been into town and had a Welsh Cream Tea each (I wondered about the Welsh bit as I could only see a beautifully baked scone, clotted cream & jam with two pots of tea, but then noticed the butter was Welsh...) and I wish I could send you a portion as it certainly sent us on our way in a happy frame of mind.

However, I would look at your "problem" as a potential blessing. I would think, with the right sort of advertising nationwide, you would easily rent out your bakery and accommodation together. It seems the sort of community which would be crying out for such a place and there must be plenty of people looking for a small business all set up with accommodation too. The other plus side is that you wouldn't feel the need to help out and would just be a landlady.

As for your daughter, kids are quite often graceless, thoughtless & selfish monsters (no matter what their age). I'm sure you will still be there for her if it turns out he is not THE one. It's usually the way...
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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248073Post The Riff-Raff Element
Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:47 pm

So difficult (and bloody annoying) for you. But you were there for her when she needed you and I suspect that will come back to you one day.

Good luck with sorting out the practical stuff GA. I have no tea to hand, but I send thoughts of wine.

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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248077Post Thomzo
Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:26 pm

Tea and sympathy from me too. She may seem ungrateful but there is just a tiny chance that she might not have been able to make a go of the business and then it would have been even more stressful.

If you watch the TV or read the newspapers, there are loads of people out there looking to leave the rat race behind and do something more down to earth in a beautiful location.

If you can, then finish the renovations and then advertise the whole thing as a business opportunity. Try advertising in the big city papers, craft and smallholder magazines, The Lady etc. as well as the businesses for sale websites - even Rightmove. I'm sure the venture will appeal to someone. If it wasn't so far away from my friends and family, I'd be there like a shot.

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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248084Post yvette
Thu Nov 10, 2011 10:27 pm

How incredibly frustrating for you,I can't think how you managed to sound so measured in your post, as I am sure I would have been raging! Hope it all works out, for you and your daughter...

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Re: A bit of tea and sympathy required......

Post: # 248094Post Millymollymandy
Fri Nov 11, 2011 7:51 am

I am sorry to hear this Maggie. I hope you will be able to rent it out and hope you can get back to the easier life you had in mind originally. :hugish: I also hope your daughter will be happy and her relationship long lasting!
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