Ishness can be lonely

[number6]

I've been brewing,cooking and foraging for some time now and have more recently taken on an allotment but still find that their are very few like minded souls around,.I often get the impression that im viewed with mild amusement which doesn't bother me greatly it would just be pleasant to have some people around who have the same objectives.particularly on the brewing front as half the fun is to compare notes.People round here just seem so caught up in the rat race.Does anyone else have this problem.

[southeast-isher]

I'm the same i guess. People do look on in disdain but surely eventually common sense will prevail! Keep on doing what you're doing :-) where abouts are you?

[citizentwiglet]

Yep, I have been viewed with mild amusement for a few years now; I sometimes even get some snidey comments 'can she not afford to buy a fancy-dress outfit for that child, how sad' (I made a bat outfit for my 3 year old's Halloween party at nursery and he was the only one not in a shop-bought outfit), 'aww, can you not afford Pampers?' 'Doesn't your back hurt carrying that wean in a sling?' (Err, no, or I wouldn't carry him, would I?). I did find it hard at first, particularly meeting up with friends and family and all they would be talking about would be what they bought over the weekend / upgrading their car / where to go abroad on holiday / what next to spend their money on.

I got very depressed after my eldest son was born, and barely left the house; but a damn good course of CBT sorted me out and I lost all my nerves and started socialising again (as much as you can with 2 small kids) - I go to toddler group with the youngest, I'm involved with the nursery, the community garden, the local environmental group and I've even joined the horticultural society. I've moved my circles, if you like, and now many of my friends are quite a bit older than me, I find that they have more in common - many are ishy because they are in their 60s and 70s, and they were brought up with that attitude, whereas my generation (I'm 37) have been brought up to be so much more materialistic.

Next thing I knew, I was being introduced to my friends' children - who are my age - and mums at nursery who hitherto ignored me are now chatting to me about the community garden project and things; I've even got a few mums asking me where I get my nappies and slings from. I think more people would love to be more ishy, but maybe don't know where to start, or are scared about what they might miss out on by being less materialistic, or being pilloried by their friends.

Get chatting to folks on the allotments, get yourself along to the local horti events, get involved - if you can - in some volunteer projects ; and before you know it you will have plenty of company. Maybe not the sort of people you could imagine yourself being friends with 10 years ago; but people probably more diverse than you would ever have thought with a wealth of information to share.

I might be seen locally as a bit of an eccentric nerdy type, I don't care. I'm happier now than I ever have been in my life. OK, apart from when I was about 5, I was deliriously happy then.

[crowsashes]

yeah it is definitely lonely, especially when you cant find someone else to share you hobbies/lifestyle with!!

growing and making stuff is a big part of me and few people i know grow stuff or even make things! its hard to connect at time especially when the conversation switches to soaps, tv or the charts, i dont have a tv ( i had a giggle with the sky salesman the other day, tried to sell me a tv, internet, phone package for a £1 more than i pay, really got into the sales pitch then i told him i didnt have a tv. he was left speechless )

my siblings constantly discuss their holidays ( turkey or disneyland! love the variety!) or the next 42" tv there going to get.

i got laughed at for making my own slipper before. but you get used to it and eventually you find people either move more towards your lifestyle ( because they can see how happy you are) or you find new friends.

[Gert]

Stick with it Number6. You're in the Ish club now, It's never lonely in here.

[seasidegirl]

I'm remembering now when I was trying to maintain an allotment, re-cycle everything, home cook, wash nappies and look after small kiddies. The thing was that I was quite solitary about it from choice. The reason was that I had so little time to go to the allotment that when I got there I didn't want to spend time chatting. If I ever did have a chat I'd find that it was time to go home before I'd done anything.

Nowadays I'd love a chat but have a bigger garden so no allotment. I talk to the birds

Anyway my point is that some of your neighbours might be just as ish as you are but might be busy (it's time consuming) or shy.

I bet they are there but you just haven't met them yet. Lurk near the scruffyest people.

[loulou]

Lurk near the scruffyest people.

This is so true, my latest get up was a patchwork jacket I made out of clothes that do not fit any more, it turns eyes I tell ya

I do a local farmers market once a month selling my sewn and embroidered items and I bumped into a new couple, they saw my "say no to plastic" bags and wanted to know if I knew of any local green groups. Unfortunately I do not but they took my details so I am hoping to meet up with them again soon for a cuppa

[seasidegirl]

I've been thinking about donating every single thing in my ironing basket to charity shops. The thing is that it has all been in there, patiently waiting to be ironed, for about six months and nobody in the family has enquired as to the whereabouts of any items. Like me they just put on the stuff straight off the airer or the tidy pile on the sofa.

Ironing is obviously a waste of electricity. Most modern clothes don't need it if you hang stuff up. Only thing is I would be too ashamed to donate creased clothes to charity so it will probably sit there forever.

Sorry for going off topic just another dilemma of ishness.

[grahamhobbs]

Number6 make your allotment the centre for your social life, we hold most of our parties there, mild amusment changes to admiration when they see all those fresh vegetables, and its amazing how everyone starts turning up with things they have made ... cakes, pies, jams, bread, wine, etc.. Others want to give a hand and we've arranged general clearing days, compost bin and fruit cage building days with bonfires, drinks, etc.
Parties in the open air are great and around a bonfire they can go on well into the early morning, people have even pitched a tent and slept the night. Make it fun and people will be attracted to the self-sufficientish life.

[citizentwiglet]

I've had another idea - my god, that's two in one day!

Become a member of your local Freeconomy (http://www.justfortheloveofit.org) and list all your hobbies, interests, things you can do - say, offer to take folk out foraging. I'm being taught to knit in return for making some cards, and it's a great way to meet likeminded folk.

[Gem]

I do understand this though I have found that working in an environmental job has massively increased the number of like minded people I meet.

Other things like wildlife groups, horticultural socs and what not really help to meet like minded people in your area.

Gem

[southeast-isher]

In some or most areas there are small farm groups where likeminded people, not neccessarily fully fledged farmers, meet once a month for a meeting for example, share ideas, share produce, and run short courses on beekeeping, coppicing etc it might be worth a Google.

[Julysea]

Yes, I definitely found that having children sorted out the ishy from the non-ishy and really forced a thick wedge between the 2. I am slowly but surely finding like-minded souls though!

[snapdragon]

I agree with the 'meet allotment neighbours' they are more likely to be on your wavelength.
'Sluff'? (guessing that's Slough? )

[Flo]

Self sufficiency should not be an isolating experience. You can only do so much for yourself. The person who can build the house may not be able to do the cooking and cleaning. The person who makes the clothes may not be able to build the house. The person who grows the vegetables may be no good at making cheese.

All you can do as a self sufficient person is to make the greatest use of your talents whatever they may be to ensure that you have a degree of self reliance and provide as much for yourself as possible.

Complete self sufficiency depends on a group for the provision of food, clothes, shelter, water and warmth which are the essentials of life. No one person has all the talents to provide everything in the essentials. Remember the travelling tinkers who made a living repairing the saucepans and sharpening the household utensils in days gone by? As well as supplying new ones were needed. And the travelling sellers of needles, cotton, ribbons and so forth. Or the miller for grinding corn for different flour for bread. There has always been a network of talents required.

Look up from what you are doing to be ish and realise that you do depend for so much on others. Once you accept that all you are doing is making the full use of your talents and accept that others choose not to use or develop the same skills they may have within them you will find that life is like a patchwork quilt of people. Accept them for what they are and ask them to accept your skills as part of you. If you aren't part of a social group you can't share your skills when people get interested. They will.