Am I being a mean Mother?

[kit-e-kate]

Nope! Although if we get the paving re-done in the garden i might give it a whirl....
I was never that good on it anyway- probably due to the fact that where i grew up there were only single track roads! Not an amazing place to practise an urban sport.... But my parents didn't ever point out that my skateboard-owning dream was a bit daft. They took the stance that it was my money to spend as i saw fit. Ach well, you've got to learn somehow!

[battybird]

Milims...definetely not mean...sensible and principled, yes! I think many take the easy way out and dont "follow through" when setting rules for incidents like this. When the child gets to go anyway, it teaches them that you dont mean what you say! I am all for tough love, he will appreciate it when he is older. My youngest now is a parent himself and I hear him saying things and setting rules in exactly the same way...and he made me feel sooo guilty on occasions when we had to say no!
Long term payoff I know but its still worth it...he will know the value of money and working for things he wants / needs.

[Masco&Bongo]

As a grown-up, you realise that there is a lot you can't do if you haven't got the money.... we haven't been abroad in ages and ages, as we can't afford it. Of course, I don't actually want to go abroad, but in principle, it would be nice to have the option.

This year for your jollies, we are camping for 5 nights in the New Forest. That is all the holiday-away-from-home we will be doing, as it's all we can afford. Campsite fees are cheaper than renting a cottage/B&B etc...

I had jobs from being £13, both in the house and in a local bakery. Once I was 'earning' my own money, my mum stopped my 'pocket money' and I was expected to use or save up as appropriate.

You're certainly not being mean... it just means your son will more than likely grow up with a healthier relationship with money, as opposed to a 'want, want, want' mentality, taking out credit everywhere

[Keaniebean]

It's really hard these days to be constantly saying no to your kids, but it is the right thing to do. You have done the right thing, especially as you gave him the choice to go if he earnt his place.

My 11 year old is always harassing me for things that we simply can't afford and when I ask her if all her friends at school have these things she tells us they do. It makes me feel guilty, but at the same time I hope she apreciates the value of money a little more because of it.

The school doesn't help either, whenever they have a toy day or trip anywhere the children are told that the PSP's or DS's are fine as long as they are labeled. My kids don't have either, but it seems they are pretty much the only ones

I can't afford these so it's just tough really.

[Millymollymandy]

I don't even know what a PSP or a DS is, what are they?

[Millymollymandy]

No just makes me look like someone who doesn't have children. Which I am!

I googled and it's the stupid play station thingy whatsits that I don't even know what they look like. Why can't they just play games on their computers like I do.

[Stonehead]

We get a constant barrage of requests from our school for money and, when we protest, we're told "but it's only a small amount". Perhaps it is, for some. But it all adds up. When a school trip costs the same amount as a week's groceries, I know where I'm going to put the money. As for skiiing trips that cost hundreds of pounds, forget about it.

What's really annoying, though, is the school's attempts at emotional blackmail. Why won't we support the school's project to help the poor children in Africa? Don't we realise that if our oldest doesn't go on the skiing trip he'll be left alone at the school and miss a vital social experience? Don't we realise the school library is short of books and the children's education will suffer? Don't we appreciate that their education will suffer if they don't go on this trip? And so on.

Apparently we're "bad parents" if we're not prepared to constantly hand over money to the school, which is strange as I thought our children were being educated in a state school and not an independent one.

[citizentwiglet]

My feelings exactly, Stonehead - and my son is only at preschool. Between the £2.00 'voluntary' subscription for 'crafts', the fruit day where you're supposed to bring 'a piece' of fruit (i.e. one of the 5 a day portions) then the person in front of you brings a whole bloody organic fruit basket, so you feel a bit mean clutching two wrinkled satsumas; the sponsored nonsense; the trips to places he goes to all the time anyway.....

He's not even back at nursery yet, and I've already been emailed three sponser forms and a demand for £10.00 for a trip they said they weren't going on, so we took him the other week.

I've now found out that when he starts primary next year, his gym kit alone costs £40.00. Because his school couldn't possibly pick a colour, like navy blue or black, that you can get on the cheap. Oh no...bright blue tracksuit, with mustard yellow polo shirt. That can only be got from the 'school outfitters'. And they recommend getting two sets. They can recommond until they're blue in the face............

[Green Aura]

I'm guessing it's not PC to do games in your vest and pants any more

[Millymollymandy]

Ha ha I remember games knickers!!! Lovely and thick they were. But we did have a mini skirt to wear outside on freezing cold mornings. Only the teachers were allowed to wear track suit bottoms.

[citizentwiglet]

Oh yes, fond memories of thick kidney warming gym skants teamed with a red Bukta gym skirt and knee high hockey socks. No wonder I hated gym.
Mind you, I did do athletics - I was a sprinter. Imagine my horror when attending the Welsh trials when I was told I would have to run in a vest and those hideous gym knickers WITH NO SKIRT! In front of boys, and everything....

[Green Aura]

It's probably classed as child abuse now

[Millymollymandy]

Look at what athletes run in now - we were very covered up in comparison.

[Millymollymandy]

And at least we didn't have cellulite when we were at school.

[oldfella]

I think our underpants, and probably the Girls "ahem knickers" were made of Sailcloth in my schooldays, and if you got a glimps of a girls knickers it meant you saw her kneecap so how exciting was that. Still we lived in hopes.