Men and Money!!!

[happyhippy]

Hi everyone!I'm a mature aged person(well not in my head but society says I am!lol)I'm just wondering.....I grew up with the knowledge that my Dad was exceptionally good with money.No not a tight ****,but good at budgeting,saving and so on.So when I married the first time,I kind of expected my OH to be the same,and he was to start with.Slowly but surely though he became unreliable,and untrustworthy when it came to money issues.We started recieving the brown envelopes,bills unpaid,whilst he continued to spend money on himself.It actually was the catalist that ended our marriage.After speaking to a few younger people,it seems to me that men in particular are'nt that clued up with money and being sensible with it.Years ago the man had the label of being the main breadwinner,and I'm now wondering that years later,with both people working,do men look more towards the woman to earn earn earn?What do you think?

[Zech]

My dad has a nasty habit of not opening bills, but I think his partner stops him doing that these days. My first husband was very 'good' with money. I put that in quotes because he went a bit far - to the point of checking my purse every day and asking me to account for what I'd spent. My second (and hopefully last) husband was utterly hopeless with money when I met him but is a bit better now. I still keep control of the household bills, though. Even when men were the main breadwinners, I think a lot of them handed over their pay packets to the wife for housekeeping. I haven't noticed much connection between who earns the money and who's good at looking after it. We're all different - I don't think it's possible to generalise, though I wonder if the days of easy credit encouraged people to be less careful with money, so younger people may have not learnt good budgeting skills.

[Thomzo]

Both of my exes were very good at spending my money. Funny how I always seem to have a lot more in the bank when I'm single! Even now that I'm paying all the bills on the same house on my own, I still have more money at the end of the pay packet than I did when two of us were living here together.

Do they teach any form of budgeting at school these days?

Zoe

[Pumpkin&Piglet]

I agree that being good/bad with money and who earns it is different.

I'm not the best with money but 'm still the one that has to handle everything in our marriage. My dad was fab with money - as far as I know - very responsible etc and my husband to start with was of the same midset and has a similar, very good attitude to life but as family life and responsibilities took hold he became awful - not opening bank statements etc because he knew they didn't say anything pleasant.

He thought things woud be helped if he could win us money back and thus developed a gambling problem. I take some responsibility as I thought all was fine and so just left him to it, if i had tried to help I perhaps may have realised all was not so fine.

Right from day one though he has been the one that works and provides us with our household income. I have had small temporary jobs but I mainly stay at home and do the housework and look after the children. I handle the money because of his past problems but he's a lot better and has realised what needs to be done/not done.

He did have two children to support and a lovely country village cottage to pay for at the age of 22 though. However much his own choice this was and however much planning we did, it still must have been very hard to adapt to from the single life of his parents house! (He is now 23 and I am 25)

In my experience its a generation and an age (maturity) thing. My dad and my grandad were good with money and my husband is still learning.

[GeorgeSalt]

Maybe we're odd.. but it's worked for sixteen years, we've always had seperate current accounts plus one joint account for the mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc. We each have identical standing orders that chip in a fixed amount to the joint per month, and we regularly review this amount. If you have two incomes I don't know why anyone would do anything else. But I appreciate that if the income balance is less equal this may not be the ideal solution.

Easy access to credit has been a source of a lot of budget ignorance.. why save for tomorrow when you can have it today on the never-never?

[boboff]

It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride with me and my wife with how we manage money. Now we are both earning, we do as George does and split the bills 50/50. This seems fair to me.

In my experience my father was very selfish with "his" money, giving only just enough to Mum to pay the bills, but then in good times being overly generous. My Grandad was a come home on a Friday and give 100% of his pay to Nan, in the hope he would get enough back to buy a pint and some tobacco. Personally I keep a tight reign on personal finances, I don't like to borrow money, or indeed spend more than I earn.

Interesting topic though.

[The Riff-Raff Element]

We've had only joint accounts since we married. Neither of us is the "controller" of the money, but I tend to be the one who looks at the finances and does the planning as far a the business is concerned. Seems to work OK.

[Jandra]

My husband and I also have joint and private accounts. We get our income on our private accounts, but we immediately transfer the bulk to our joint accounts, one for daily living expenses/petrol and one for reasonably fixed expenses like mortgage, taxes and insurances.

Effectively we end up having monthly pocket money for private expenses (clothing, shoes, snacks while traveling, books, music lessons). We discussed how much each of us needed before fixing that amount and programmed the rest of our income to be automatically transferred to our joint accounts. Anything out of the ordinary to be paid out of the joint accounts is discussed with the other.

Even though I have a variable income due to running my own business, I make it a point to take out a modest fixed amount each month and saving any extra so that I can give myself my 'salary' in lean months. That adds stability to our fincancial situation.

Our arrangement may seem complicated and it does take a bit of management, but it is a wondeful asset to have everything so transparent. We may have stress about money, but it is something we have together, not against each other.

[Broad Bean]

I wouldn't live with somebody who I didn't trust with money (or anything else). We both earn (him more than me) and all that money is paid into a joint account and belongs to both of us rather than the person who earned it. To me that is fair and is an essential part of a partnership. General bills are paid out of this and if one of us wants to splash out we discuss it before spending. Works well and fortunately was the obvious choice for both of us.

[Green Aura]

We have two joint accounts. One pays all the bills and the other is living expenses.

Other than that we have a perfect arrangement - he earns it and I spend it. I always like a fair division of labour

[gregorach]

I'm just fine with money... In fact, it's taken me many years of not being skint to get the stage where I feel OK about any non-essential spending. Never been one for running up debt - the rule's always been that if I don't have it, I don't spend it. Nearly 40 and I've only just acquired my first credit card... And that's only because there are some things where a credit card is better than a debit card - I still won't be spending any money I don't already have.

However, I am resolutely single... That certainly helps.

[demi]

My husband controles all the money haha! But we dont have a lot because we're both not working conventional jobs. My husbands sells the fruit from the orchard and collects the rent from the two shops and the appartment and pays all the bills with that and gives me money to buy nessesities from the shop. Although i have to argue with him to give me money because we've ran out of food ( not fruit and veg, we've got them comming out our ears ) he's allwasy reluctant to give me it. But its not like i go out speanding money on jewlery and clothes and make up, i only every buy food with it. He is a tightass, but thats only because we are actually skint! But he is really disorgonised, he throws bills and letters all over the place and i go collect them from round the house an put them in a folder or he'd never find them again!

[okra]

I wouldn't live with somebody who I didn't trust with money (or anything else). We both earn (him more than me) and all that money is paid into a joint account and belongs to both of us rather than the person who earned it. To me that is fair and is an essential part of a partnership. General bills are paid out of this and if one of us wants to splash out we discuss it before spending. Works well and fortunately was the obvious choice for both of us.

Ditto, couldn't have put it any better. I suppose it also helps that we are both very careful with money

[Zech]

I wouldn't live with somebody who I didn't trust with money (or anything else).

Sometimes it's a question of competence, not deceit. My husband tends to look at his bank account and if there's plenty of money in there he'll think he can afford whatever it is he's currently looking at, but he forgets to take account of other bills coming up. If I ask him about other things he has to pay for, then he remembers and realises he can't afford it after all.

Would you live with somebody you couldn't trust to cook dinner without burning it? Or somebody you couldn't trust to mend the car without breaking something? Or somebody you couldn't trust to clear the gutters without falling off the ladder?

I'm probably being a bit touchy here, but the fact I can't trust my husband with money does not mean he's a bad man!

[boboff]

I think you need to see the opposite of your argument to see the point that BB was making.

If your partner bought these items he could not afford repeatedly and lied to you about it, would that make it easier to understand.

There is a huge difference with your partners "forgetfull / poor organisation" and not being able to trust someone as they lie and cheat and spend and borrow, all without your knowledge, and in there full knowledge that you had already gone through the up and coming bills etc!

Does that make a difference?

As a couple you have to stick to your strengths, I agree 100% with that.