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My 9 month old, that's him on the left, has started waking at 2 or 3 in the morning and wants to be rocked back to sleep, which takes about half an hour. I've been told that my bedtime routine isn't right and he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own. I'm no good at leaving him to cry so does anyone have any tips? You'll be saving my aching arms and sanity if you do!

Does it happen every night or just now and again? Maybe there is a noise that wakes him, my daughter went through a phase of waking up at about 3 ish and we worked it out that the milkman was delivering to the dairy behind our house! perhaps he is a bit hungry, sometimes you just cant work out what is wrong with them and all of a sudden they just snap out of it and go back to being little angels in the night


www.welshgirlsallotment.blogspot.com

It's every night now WGA. He's all smiles when I go in so I think I've got him into a bad habit that's hard to break. I remember when my cousin was about 2 he used to get out of bed and cry in the hallway until someone came to rock him back to sleep. I just have visions of that happening to us!

I was lucky my girl is one of those who just gets on with things tell her shhh its bed time go back to sleep and she does, when she was teething I broke all the 'rules' and brought her in my bed for a cwtch - much better than a cuddle ! She would settle within minutes and I'd put her back in her own bed. I think every child is different, bringing her into bed worked for me but thousands of others will tell you don't do it as you'll never break the cycle, I could never lay in bed and hear her cry but I am a softie!

www.welshgirlsallotment.blogspot.com

bigsis, he is training you well!

If he wakes DON'T pick him up, stroke his face if you like, but don't lift him. Then slowly ween him off you touching him.

Also do you leave a light on? He may like a little night light if not.

Another thing he may just be thirsty. My two would wake for a drink so I left a bottle for them in their cot

I've tried bringing him into my bed but he just thinks its playtime and wont settle. He definitely is training me to pick him up!
I'm going to try not picking him up but it'll be hard! I'll let you know how it goes.

yep he will try every thing in the book he has learnt makes mum do what he wants.

he may only be 9mths but he is smart he knows how to manipulate mum

Old nanny/nursery trick do soft circles round an eye getting larger until the whole side of his face is softly stroked. Finishing when nearly asleep just at the temple

I'm tough on this one, since I've had it with both my kids at about that age.

All of us, adults and kids alike, wake up at least once a night. You need to help him to learn to fall asleep again in the conditions he wakes up in, which is to say...

...in his cot...

...in the dark...

...on his own.

Helping him readjust is going to be hard on both of you, and there's really no "babying" him into a gradual adjustment, because it's harder still on you both. I used the 15-minute strategy, which is this;

When the crying starts, go to him straight away. Soothe him, touch him, but don't pick him up or entertain him. Be comforting, but as dull as hell. Don't offer anything to eat or drink except water (all this is to remove "rewards" for crying for you). Whether he stops crying or not (and he probably won't) tell him calmly that you'll be back in five minutes. Then leave, turning lights off etc. Don't try to go back to sleep yourself, just prepare for torture in a room far away as you find out just what those little lungs can do. With the second child I almost had to chain my wife to the bed to stop her caving in at this point.

Keep your word, and go back after five minutes. Repeat the calming bit but again, no picking up etc. This time say you'll be back in ten minutes, and retreat as before. Go back in ten minutes, and soothe again, telling him you'll come back in fifteen minutes.

Stick at the fifteen minute marker, and keep going back until he eventually screams himself to sleep - you'll have to do this very occasionally as he gets older anyhow, they all have their moments! You'll be exhausted, but in the morning all will be forgotten anyway. Until the next night, when you have to do it all again.

Just so you know, son number 1 (now 13) took four nights, and his scream times were;
night 1: 5, 10, 15, 15, 15, passed out at 5
night 2: 5, 10, 15, gave up
night 3: 5, 10, gave up
night 4: cried for me but fell back asleep before I got to the top of the stairs

Son number 2 (now 3);
night 1: 5, 10, 15, passed out at 10
night 2: 5, 10, gave up
night 3: didn't wake

Sounds rotten, I know, but it does work - and really you're doing him a favour by freeing him from the cycle of anxiety and relief that he's in now. Enter a warm, dark, drowsy world of mumbling to himself in his cot until he drops off again!

Hiya Bigsis,

Having a similar problem with my one year old. Its made worse because we don't have a room to put her in so sleeps in her cot in the room with us. With her older sister, we used to just let her sleep in the bed with us, and she would feed and drift off to sleep and sleep through the night, and that was fine really. When she was about one a half we tried to 'train' her to sleep in a cot, leaving her to cry, and the little tyke actually figured out how to swing herself out of the cot so we just gave up and had her on our laps or in bed with us until she was about 2. She is now four and sleeps through the night on her own no problem, and she also really enjoys bedtime, often just saying "I want to go to bed now".

With our current baby, we tried keeping her in bed with us and she just didn't settle, so we put her in a cot and she falls asleep easy enough but wakes up a lot. If we put her bed with us, she sleep erradically all night. If we try and put her back in the crib, she sleeps. Last night we slept in the front room and she woke up a few times and then fell back to sleep. Seems to be the only way.

My advice then is either: when the baby wakes, just let him sleep in bed with you (which all sorts people will say in dangerous etc etc but I think they are talking shit) or bit the bullet and leave him to cry....

-Ben ... who almost remembers what its like to sleep through a whole night!

There is one way of withdrawal, that is that you leave little one in the cot, just put your hand in through the bars, like HW said be boring not entertaing,singing, storytelling thats arewards for getting you up- the message is its time for us all to sleep that you're trying to get across. After a couple of nights just sit there with him. Then you can move the chair further away..the chances are that he'll stop waking as there really isn't any point anymore as mummy has stopped playing the game. Sleep problems are a nightmare (literally) but worth perservering at this age rather than let him contiue having sleep problems when he's 9 (as in one of our cousins, they would go in at 4am play, have very early breakfast, put telly on etc) and then its worse as schooling is affected and tempers fray. Try a night light. Establish a bedtime routine such as Bath, bottle, story, bed and when little one gets into the routine your halfway there.

Good luck out there
Deb
(2 boys, 6 and 3- now good sleepers and tidy their own toys and clothes away for the promise of a bedtime story each!)

You've got the right advice. I know it's hard but leaving him to cry is the only thing to do. He doesn't need a midnight cuddle - he's just got into a bad habit and you need to break the habit.

He didn't need a cuddle last night! After his usual bedtime routine, instead of rocking him to sleep I tried just having my hand on his chest and shushing a bit until he fell asleep, he took a while to get the idea and settle but eventually he dropped off and didn't wake until 6am, his usual waking up time.

Tonight he's gone to sleep the same way, still taking a while to settle in the cot. I'll see if he wakes up, it may have been a fluke.. If he's ok I'm going to try the moving away gradually thing. If not then I might have to go the crying route, although I'm not sure I'll be able to!

Speaking of a night light, I think that might have been the start of the problem. The bulb went the other day and we didn't have a spare so he woke up and it was dark, poor thing was probably scared and shouted for mum. Then he must have thought - if I shout then I get a cuddle - and it went from there. Crafty lad!

Thanks for all the advice, I have loads of strategies to choose from now. Hopefully something will work for us and I'll be able to straighten my arms properly again instead of getting tennis elbow from all the rocking!

Here's to a good night's sleep!

When the Adorable Child went through this (like they nearly all do i think!) i used to leave a good book in his room, and sit and read. He knew that I was there, but that I wasn't paying any attention to him, and i didn't resent the time because i was able to do something for me at the same time.

These days I read in his room for 5 minutes before I go downstairs for 'cup of tea and mummy time.' Last night when he was poorly (might be whooping cough, though he's had all his jabs) he asked me to sit and read with my book in his room. It's a comfort thing for him and made 3 am slightly easier to bear!

Hope it does improve for you. There's a video called 'time to sleep' which is about the crying it out method and shows it working well. I was a mother at home so didn't need to do that as a quicker method than the moving away method.

Sarah

if he has had his jabs it's unlikely to be whooping cough. Although if making a whoop noise it is likely to be a form of croop...steamy room when necessary and antibiotics will help