Selfsufficientish.com

Have you ever wondered why:-

1 you open a packet with the writing the right way up?

2 Cats can lick their bums without looking like it tastes aweful?

3 You always stand on that leg to put your pants on?

4. Why moths fly to the light bulb at 'night', when there is all that 'light' during
the day?

5. Why when you drop a slice of toast, it lands butter side down?

6. Why is it there's is never any toilet roll left when you need to go!!?

Milims wrote:Have you ever wondered why:-

1 you open a packet with the writing the right way up?

Soooo glad that's not just me!!

7. Why whenever you learn a new word or a new fact you suddenly hear it all over the place.

8. The same for cars, you think you'd like new car, and you never realised
how many there are of the same make!

9. Why does it always rain on the day you decide to go out and do some
gardening?

10. Why does the cat only ever choose to jump on your bed with wet, muddy
feet, when you've just put clean sheets on?

11. Why does your mobile phone choose to ring while you're abluting in a
public lav!

12. Why is it you can go for weeks without any plans or invites for the
weekend, then get 3 all for the same night?

Bonniegirl wrote: 12. Why is it you can go for weeks without any plans or invites for the
weekend, then get 3 all for the same night?

Oh yeah!

Nev

13. The extent to which you cut yourself shaving is always in direct proportion to the importance of the event for which you are getting shaved.

14. You never notice that little nick on your neck until you've put your only clean white shirt on.

re:14 - My Dad did that the morning my Sis got married - and he only had 1 white shirt He ended up going to church with tippex on the collar!! lol

Bonniegirl wrote: 10. Why does the cat only ever choose to jump on your bed with wet, muddy feet, when you've just put clean sheets on?

Not a why but a how? How do they managed to walk across the patio, through the catflap into my lean-to shed, then all the way through the house and up the stairs into my bedroom, then and only then, do they put muddy footprints on the duvet cover? Why doesn't it all come off on the carpet (or even better on the patio)?

Do they have a little switch on their paws that allows the mud to stick while they are walking but they can then flick it when they jump on the bed so that they can leave muddy footprints right at your eye level when you wake up?

One of my cats managed to do this with wet concrete a few years ago when we laid the base for the shed. She managed to walk all the way from the far end of the garden, right through the house into the bedroom and didn't leave a mark until she got on the bed which was then covered in cement footprints

Wombat wrote:

Bonniegirl wrote: 12. Why is it you can go for weeks without any plans or invites for the
weekend, then get 3 all for the same night?

Oh yeah!

Nev

Yeah! Tis true! Bit like Luton buses! None for ages, then 3 at once!

Thomzo wrote:

Bonniegirl wrote: 10. Why does the cat only ever choose to jump on your bed with wet, muddy feet, when you've just put clean sheets on?

Not a why but a how? How do they managed to walk across the patio, through the catflap into my lean-to shed, then all the way through the house and up the stairs into my bedroom, then and only then, do they put muddy footprints on the duvet cover? Why doesn't it all come off on the carpet (or even better on the patio)?

Do they have a little switch on their paws that allows the mud to stick while they are walking but they can then flick it when they jump on the bed so that they can leave muddy footprints right at your eye level when you wake up?

One of my cats managed to do this with wet concrete a few years ago when we laid the base for the shed. She managed to walk all the way from the far end of the garden, right through the house into the bedroom and didn't leave a mark until she got on the bed which was then covered in cement footprints

So glad someone else has the same problem!! Perhaps they can fly!

Bonniegirl wrote:4. Why moths fly to the light bulb at 'night', when there is all that 'light' during
the day?

It is because they use the light of the moon to navigate and they think that the lights we generate are the moon. They seem to know what the sun is

15. The phone always rings when you are sitting on the toilet.
16. You only burn dinner when you have guests.
17. Your bike only gets a puncture when you don't have your pump.

re:5
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.........

This mail got the following reply from one of the recipients:

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

p = s * t(t)/t(R)

where p is the probability of carpet impact s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast and topping in permanently staining the carpet.

Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero. T(R) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken Tikka Masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken Tikka Masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken Tikka Masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of Tony and Cherie Blair visiting accident victims in hospital, and the Conservatives saying it wouldn't have happened if they were in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of Public safety but also Public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken Tikka Masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

18. Why is it when guests stay at my house they complain there aren't enough coat hangers in the EMPTY wardrobe I give them, whereas when I stay at their houses I don't even get anywhere to hang up my coat and have to live out of a suitcase.......

Oh Cassiepod. I was laughing so much that my colleagues wanted to know the joke. So I had to read your post out to the whole office. Only I couldn't cos I was laughing so much.

Zoe

hamster wrote:

Milims wrote:Have you ever wondered why:-

1 you open a packet with the writing the right way up?

Soooo glad that's not just me!!

It because its bad luck to open a bag upside down...

19. Why is dyslexia so difficult to spell?

20. Why has lisp got an S in it?

21. Why is there no other word for Thesaurus?

22. Why do people say 'fast' asleep?