*sob*

[mrsflibble]

sorry, feeling both incredibly happy and also really down and a bit sorry for myself.

My friend Kate has been trying for about 3 years to get pregnant, she and Jamie have had a misscarriage and lots of failed attempts. They have finally got one to both happen and what's more important is it's stayed in there long enough for a scan which they had yesterday. she showed me the picture and it was sooooo clear, tiny little nose, Jamie's belly, tiny little hands it's all there, it's really a baby and it's really taken up residence in my friend lol!

the sadness is I wish I could have more. I really do, I keep trying to tell myself all about the poo, sick, the crapness of pregnancy, how it could kill me, how fab life is now soph's bigger etc but none of it compares to actually holding your little one. I try not to think of soph's birth because that crap is beside the point; we are both alive and that's most important. Oh well. my soph's gorgeous and she's stood here nagging me to fill a box with bubbles and water so she can cool off.

edited cos my spelling is crap.

[hamster]

*hug*

[red]

I can relate, Mrs F

I just focus on working with the cards I have been dealt. - and when you look at it that way, not such a bad deal.

hugs

[Shirley]

How lovely for your friend...

I like Red's advice :-) Give your little girl a hug, she's a precious wee thing.

[Russian Doll]

emma ive always told you ill carry for you....if you really want another child

[Milims]

Aww Mrs F - hugs to you. I know that despite the fact that my two are much older and independent now, I'd love to have had another child with Chris. But we decided that because we are that much older (I was 38 when we met) and as it happens his health has failed so suddenly and rapidly, it wouldn't have been the best idea. It still doesn't take the wishing away but it does give it perspective. You have a lovely little lady to give all your love to and you have the chance to share the joy of other peoples children and don't forget - time will come when you have grand children to love too! So keep your chin up hunny - all is not lost - it's just coming from a different direction!
PS don't forget - when other peoples babies poo you can hand them back! And a posset isn't just for the day - it's for the life your lovely new top!

[hedgewitch]

(((((HUGS MISSUS)))))

I know how you feel.

[mrsflibble]

Tea, I loves ya so much but I couldn't do that to your poor body honey! it's had enough of having babies!

plus the fact, we can't afford the treatment and I *know* James wouldn't go for it lol. he's glad we're past the poo and sick stage.

[Russian Doll]

Tea, I loves ya so much but I couldn't do that to your poor body honey! it's had enough of having babies!

plus the fact, we can't afford the treatment and I *know* James wouldn't go for it lol. he's glad we're past the poo and sick stage.

lol no probs hun offers there just remeber theres are loads of kids clambering to be fostered and i think you and james would make exellent foster parents to kids hannah and amys age

[MrsD'ville mkII]

I can really empathise with this too. I don't know your whys and wherefores, but in our case DH had decided he just couldn't stretch himself thinly enough for more children, and for three or four years I lived that reality focussing on the positives but having to deal very privately with how I felt when friends had more babies - I felt like I wasn't 'allowed' to have more children. Anyway things changed for him, he gradually came to feel that his position was far more damaging than the stress of having more children, but you could have knocked me down with a feather when he told me, I was sure there would be no more babies for me. Then I lost the first two pregnancies after that so being 18 weeks now is even more double triple extra special than it would be anyway.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because, although it's not the fashionable thing to say and raises hopes and all that, it is possible your husband might change his mind. I didn't nag mine or guilt trip him or anything, I just accepted it and made my life bringing up our daughter and his two older children. If he doesn't change his mind, which I know is the most likely thing, there are positives to having just the one. I'm an 'only', and as a child I had a great time with my parents and had lots of freedom because they could pitch things at where I was, they didn't have to factor in a child with different abilities and needs and apply equal rules to several children. They decided to focus their resources on funding a really good education for which I am eternally grateful and I know it couldn't have happened had there been another child. Because of that there wasn't much money for other things but we all got on together and had a peaceful home life as there was no sibling squabbling. My father's from a huge family so I got my family kicks that way.

That doesn't stop the yearning, I don't think anything really sorts that out - we're programmed to want more. For me looking at the benefits was the way through. I did though think DH could at least have agreed to a dog!

[Annpan]

I really don't get the same 'yearning' factor, I guess some have it, some don't. I also have a really good recollection of how bad my life was when heavily pregnant, giving birth and having a tiny baby. I can honestly say it was the worst few months of my life... looking at the photos it looks much nicer.

I am just so grateful for the life I have and I would be just as happy if I had never had a child and I will be just as happy if I have any more.

[mrsflibble]

MrsD'ville mkII: I doubt he will change his mind, he's had a vasectomy after the doctors told me that what happened during sophie's birth might not have been a one off. long and short of it is, I was left too long, sophie got stuck due to my not dialating enough, I started to go into respiratory arrest so they took me in for emergency c section, after the c section I had two heart attacks, was shocked back both times, was in a drug induced coma for 12 hours and a natural one for between 12 and 24 (depends on who you talk to in the family as to how long it was; I have no idea I wasn't there lol!), I've been left with a partially fried short term memory and a mild heart condition (but my eyes have got slightly better, go figure) and there's no way James would risk it again. mind you, having just written that out again there's no way I'd risk it I think. there's always going to be that hole though.

Tea: if we ever get our own place we will think again about adoption; you know my thoughts on that! don't think I'm strong enough to foster, I'd get attatched and not want to give them back!

[MrsD'ville mkII]

What a horrendous experience. It explains a lot - I don't think I could put someone I loved through all that again, no matter how much they were prepared to risk it. I wouldn't have made such a bl**dy stupid remark if I'd had any idea what you went through. You're lucky to be alive by the sound of it, and with your gorgeous little girl.

I hope you can come to terms with it all, that's been a rough hand. Weird how the world goes - I was talking to someone today who's shocked and stunned to be pg again, not planned at all, no money, no idea how they're going to manage. World seems very upside down sometimes.

[mrsflibble]

I am lucky, VERY, and don't worry 'cos it wasn't a stupid remark; it would be a stupid remark if you'd known about soph's birth lol!

As for the unplanned pregnancy and no cash thing, I have no idea how Tea and Darren cope with their 4 on their income, but she manages and her kids are some of the happiest I've ever met so all they really need is loads of love, and that's one thing Tea can give them in abundance. I'm sure your friend'll be fine MrsD'ville.

[Ratty]

Only just seen this honey. And very hard for me to comment as you know my situation. You are a very strong and brave woman who has brought a beautiful daughter into the world. No matter how many people tell you "you're lucky to have the one you've got" or "babies poo & throw up, yuck" it won't change how you feel inside. And certain times of the month can make us yearn all the more for our bellies and then arms to hold our own precious baby again. I'm not really heading anywhere with this post other than to send you a great big hug and tell you that you are a super mummy.

xxx