Breast feeding, socially unacceptable or not?

[yvette]

There's an interesting point underlying this whole question - the right of people not to be offended/embarrassed. Do we really have that right? Aren't feelings of embarrassment etc more a product of us than of the situation, should we not take responsibility for our feelings rather than seeing them as caused by the actions of others? As others have commented, many things may be deemed offensive, but that is not necessarily seen as a reason to stop or modify those things. An older man of my acquaintance once told me that even the thought of two gay men kissing, let alone the sight of it, made him physically sick. I thought that said a lot about him and the values he had been brought up with - and I didn't think that his reaction was a justification for stopping gay men from kissing in public.

[Helsbells]

when i see women bottle feeding i am discusted in a way and i feel sorry for the child that the mother is not doing her best.

Don't forget she might be bottle feeding with expressed milk, not necessarily formula.

[demi]

when i see women bottle feeding i am discusted in a way and i feel sorry for the child that the mother is not doing her best.

Don't forget she might be bottle feeding with expressed milk, not necessarily formula.

yes, true.
but the majority of women who you see bottlefeeding are using formula.
expressing milk to feed in a bottle is somthing usually done with new babies when there is issues with establishing breastfeeding in the begining. or used when the mother is away from the baby so the care giver can feed the baby.
apart from these 2 situations if you are breastfeeding why would you go through the hassle of expressing and steralizing bottles when youve got a portable, fresh, ready supply of milk on tap from your boobs.

[Penny Lane]

In the 2 years and 9 months that I breastfed my son the only negative reaction I had was from my mother-in-law, she would visibly shudder and pull faces! That didn't stop me and she soon got used to it! She bottle fed all of her 5 children and didn't know anyone who had breastfed, so I'm really proud to have, not changed her mind about it, but helped her feel less uncomfortable.
I do think that the more breastfeeding is done in public the more acceptable it will become.
I also think there should be more breastfeeding groups and more support.

And if anyone has anything to say, my bodyguard will sort them out

[fifi folle]

no.. please enlighten me? :)

It's another forum, mainly about babywearing but there's a whole section on attachment parenting.

I have found in a lot of people I meet who formula feed that they have tried BFing but have been given appalling advice or no support and many of them really regret not succeeding at BFing. You can't jump to conclusions about people simply based on the fact they are bottle feeding their baby. I had to bottle feed my son for 10 days as he wouldn't latch on and without the support of a wonderful midwife I would have been one of those mothers you're judging (I pumped every 2.5 hrs but couldn't pump enough for him). I am passionate about breastfeeding but the lactivist movement has in some ways damaged public perception of breastfeeding. It would be wonderful if BFing could just be seen as normal and portrayed more on TV and in films.

[Thomzo]

when i see women bottle feeding i am discusted in a way and i feel sorry for the child that the mother is not doing her best.

A friend of mine has a three-month old baby. She tried desperately hard to breast feed and was devastated that she couldn't. Her baby had a slight problem with his mouth and couldn't create the necessary suction, so don't blame the poor mum.

Zoe

[Paul_C]

from a single, males perspective

i am neither disgusted or happy about brestfeeding.

it is an entierly natural thing, and if done with a modicum of decorum is perfectly acceptable. that said, if, like a lass in my old diveing club did, whcih as to whap them out with no attempt at descreteness and then continue a conversation it does become somewhat uncomfortable from the "obserbers" perspective.
if it is done with discression, then frankly i dont care and actualy support it. its simply a case of the righ time, in the right place in the right manner.

[demi]

no.. please enlighten me? :)

It's another forum, mainly about babywearing but there's a whole section on attachment parenting.

I have found in a lot of people I meet who formula feed that they have tried BFing but have been given appalling advice or no support and many of them really regret not succeeding at BFing. You can't jump to conclusions about people simply based on the fact they are bottle feeding their baby. I had to bottle feed my son for 10 days as he wouldn't latch on and without the support of a wonderful midwife I would have been one of those mothers you're judging (I pumped every 2.5 hrs but couldn't pump enough for him). I am passionate about breastfeeding but the lactivist movement has in some ways damaged public perception of breastfeeding. It would be wonderful if BFing could just be seen as normal and portrayed more on TV and in films.

when i had my first baby i had a horrible time establishing BFing too.
i was all cracked and bleeding, engorged and in agoney. i had to express, which was excrusingly painfull, then feed her from a bottle and top her up with formula because she had lost too much weight from not feeding properly.
i was in hospital for a week, they wouldnt let me go home as she wasnt gaining weight. when i finally got home i was in floods of tears trying to feed her. she was screaming from hunger, i was screaming in pain and my mum ended up going to T***o at 3am to buy a sterilizer and bottles and formula. once i managed ( painfully ) to express some milk i managed to get her to lach on.
this went on for 2 weeks until i started healing up and getting used to feeding her. i had to express every time before a feed for nearly a month as i was so engorged she couldnt lack on.
i perserveared through the agonising pain as i didnt see there being any other way. i remember crying and thinking how i cant even feed my own baby! but i got through it and as time went on things improved. after the first month was over she was feeding no problem and i had all healed up and it became a painless beautiful connection between us.

with my second it was much better as i knew what to do this time. my nipples hurt for the first week but i didnt bleed, it was much easier.

i know how difficult and painful it can be establishing breastfeeding in the beginging but i think women are too quick to give up.
they spend a few days trying to do it and because they are uncomfertable they just switch to formula instead of perservearing.

i just think, you've been through labour and child birth and if you can do that you can do anything. establishing breastfeeding can be painfull, but no where near the pain of labour. and in a way, the pain of breastfeeding is like an extention of labour in that you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it. in no time it turns into a beautiful relaxing experiance for you and your baby.

[Helsbells]

its simply a case of the righ time, in the right place in the right manner

Unfortunately babies don't know whether it is an appropriate time or place.

[wabbit955]

breast feed both my 2 boys
as and when they needed it in town on the train in restauants any were realy
but did get a lot of bad comment from people mainly older ladys
but never bother me just put them in there place and carried on
but the one that alway got to me "is you should go do that in the tolets" my reply was go eat your dinner in there
why would any one want to feed there babies in pubil tolets yuck yuck yuck

[julie_lanteri]

first of all, Demi, I have to say that I am shocked by your reaction. It is a personal choice and women do what THEY judge best for their family.

This thread has shown me that as a mother, you should do whatever you are comfortable with. And yes, there will be people who think they have the right to judge you (on both sides of the argument!). To those: mind you own business!!!
To be totally honest, I've never met anybody anti-BF or seriously pro-FF (generational and cultural thing probably). What I've seen? breastfeeding warriors, you know the ones who tell you that FF is wrong and shameful, the ones who will make a full show out of BF. I think those are the ones making people uncomfortable.
A lot of you ladies have proven that it's totally possible to BF discretely. And no, that doesn't mean hiding in the toilets (yuk and yuk) or doing it in shame. Women like you will make people around more comfortable and show new mothers that it is no big deal. Thank you.

[demi]

i know my views on BFing appear highly critical. but IMO i think that BFing is not a choice but a nessesity as a mother.
i could never bring myself to risk the health of my kids by 'choosing' to bottle feed, just like i would never agree with not vaccinating my kids. BFing is natures vaccine, its what you're supposed to do. everyone knows breastmilk is healthier than formula, and in effect breastfed kids are healthier than bottle fed ones.

i know people will think im being harsh, but thats my opinion.
im certainly not going to go up to bottlefeeding women and tell them their doing it wrong, but i cant help feel sorry for the child.


also, i think it is very much a social class thing. im sure the vast majority of mothers on this forum have breastfed, id be really shocked if they didnt.
women from poorer social backgrounds tend to bottle feed, same as they tend to have bad diets and be over weight.
also i think young women who are very career driven and money orientated also bottle feed and opt of secerians instead of natural birth. this is obviously a very gereralised statement, and i am makeing an educated guess that the people who fall into the groups iv mentioned do not account for the majority of people using this forum.

[JuzaMum]

Hi

In England we are now protected by law to feed our babies under 6 months in public. Cafe owners/shop keepers cannot legally ask you not to. However once baby reaches 6 months things change. Nobody has ever complained about me feeding in public but some people are clearly uncomfortable. I must say it is easy to be discrete early days but it gets harder as babe gets older. They will be happily feeding when a noise distracts them then everyone gets an eyeful!

JuzaMum
(typed one handed whilst breastfeeding!)

[demi]

i had no idea there was an age limit! 6 months! im shocked!

[fifi folle]

This has now been changed, under the sexual discrimination act you can breastfeed a child of any age with the protection of law.
In Scotland we have a Breastfeeding Act! Shame it's done nothing to increase the breastfeeding rates!