This was gutting, but if I am honest, it all got too much. In the beginning, it was very much a joint enterprise, and my then partner was keen on weeding, mowing, livestock and caught up in it all.
This coincided with a drastic cut in income for us both - fine with me, as I was happy to do the selfsufficient thing, but it caused a lot of arguements - he was not really up for 'budgeting' .At the same time his enthusiasm waned and I often found myself outside strimming half an acre of nettles, while he sat inside blasting aliens to bits on his Xbox thingy even though it was a rare bright, sunny day

I can't blame it all on him - if I am honest, the life of simple pleasures began to wear a little thin, and I started to look longingly at new clothes and clean, presentable houses with envy. I discovered that it is one thing to aspire to selfsufficiency when you have the choice - but when you are struggling to pay for heating and a bottle of wine (food that isn't pork, eggs or vegetables) and your house is permenantly cold, because the hand-knitted socks aren't keeping your feet warm enough - it becomes a bit of a drag.
Anyhoo - long story short, old Partner is long gone, and new one is WONDERFUL and willing to learn how to grow veg. I have had a break from all things selfsufficient, and spent six months living with lovely new partner in his lovely, clean, dry, warm, modern house - doing normal people things like going out for dinner and to the cinema.
BUT - this year, as the buds started to swell on the trees and I can feel the ground trembling with the vibration of new life, IT CAME BACK! Suddenly, I was desperate for the smell of tomato leaves on my fingers and the sight of seedlings breaking through the soil. So I put my name down for an allotment - and two weeks later, one came up! It is in quite good condition - not too overgrown. We have a shed in mind and are going to make some raised beds to make it more manageable. The plot is really well organised, with a lovely 'clubhouse' that even has a log burner and loos!
I still make bread by hand, I still knit, and I still crave a cottage with a manageable garden. Maybe even a couple of chooks again one day. I still would never be a rampant consumer ever again and still buy all my clothes in charity shops. I have never been much of a one for balance, but hopefully this time I will get it right!
If you are still awake, thanks for reading
