I'm Ill...entertain me!!

[the.fee.fairy]

I've got the horrible coldy thing that's going round.

Someone make me laugh (apparently, next to sex, that's the best way to get healthy again!!).

Or just give me things i can do to feel better again. I just phoned in sick - that's how horrible it is!! I never phone in sick!

ta very muchly

a snotty, ill fee x

[Milims]

The best I can offer are a couple of my fave jokes if thats of any help
Here goes

Two snowmen are standing in a field and one says to the other "can you smell carrots?"

Whats the definition of s shitzu?
One with no animals
(You may have to read this one slowly several times!! lol)

Hope you feel better soon
Helen and Chris

[2steps]

me and my son had this over xmas too. I always find that doing things rather than just sitting helps me feel better. I don't know if it actually does or if it's just the fact that your distracted that helps

2 cows are standing in a field and one says to the other 'what'd you think about this mad cow disease then?' the other replies 'don't bother me I'm a tractor'
--------------
A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only three
parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA
basketball player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die." So he
takes the first parachute and leaves the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the
former President of the United States. I am the most ambitious woman in
the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President,
and above all, the smartest woman in America." She grabs the second
parachute and leaves the plane.

The third passenger, The Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth
passenger, a 10 year old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many
years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the
last parachute."

The boy says, "It's okay. There is still a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman took my school backpack."
----------------

[Andy Hamilton]

I am learning Hindi and the moment....

Sari seems to be the hardest word.
----------------------------------------
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
----------------------------------------
What do you call a spider with no legs?
A rasin.
---------------------------------------

And this one comes with a 15 rating - Why does father christmas not have any children? He only comes once a year and that is down a chimney.

------------
Why doesn't Frankenstiens monster have any kids?
His nuts are in his neck.
-------------------------

I know more mostly not very clean jokes, I used to ask a girl I worked with to give me a subject every day and I would come back with a joke. Want to give that a go?

[Martin]

what did the snail say when he cadged a lift on a tortoise?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[shiney]

I know how you feel fee.fairy...this cough, cold, sore throaty, sniffy thing that's doing the rounds is doing me in. I feel so tired all the time. What a whimp I am!

Let's hope it clears up soon and we are bouncing back to health.


This is a favourite silly poem by Spike Milligan...

Bungalooielee said the monkey to the flee
It wasn't much to say...
But it passed the time away.


I am hopeless at jokes. Sorry.

[the.fee.fairy]

thanks guys. the laughs really helped!!

Going to take the dog out for a walk later (shh, don't tell him, he'll only get over-excited!!) and get some fresh air.

I've been seed starting today though. I've got some lychees that i started a week ago, just beginning to split, so i started some more, and some satsuma seeds (basically, i saved any seeds i came across at christmas...).

Feeling a bit better now.

Ta very muchly!

[2steps]

here's one from my daughter

where does santa stay on his holidays?
In a ho ho hotel

[The Chili Monster]

Hey, TFF
I was held to that same dreadful snotfest over crimbo.
Hope you get well soon.
The same goes for all you other (afflicted) ishers out there.

[Tay]

Apologies for the dreadful joke below... but it fits (sort of, the colds theme).

Why did the prostitute have a runny nose?










She was full up.

[Rough Jack]

Gidday

Hey Tay, was that a French one? I always thought they had letters.

[PurpleDragon]

Great jokes.

Can you grow satsumas in the UK?

My Mum had the lurgie and was on antibiotics and confined to her house. My MIL currently has it and was admitted to hospital last night

[the.fee.fairy]

i hope they get better soon!
I'm off work again today, my dad insisted that i should have more than one day off.

Satsumas: well, i grew some lemon and orange pips in the summer in the greenhouse. The trees are about 3" tall now. I don't know if the fruit will set (i've read different things about citruses - mostly the seeds are polyembronic, and as long as you use the side shoots, they whould be tru to fruit.). I'm going to see what happens. I like growing things because i can, rather than planning them carefully, so i tend to plant an pips/stones i come across.

Ta for the jokes. I think we need a new thread: Andy's Joke Of The Day!

[Boots]

Glad to hear you are back on your feet Fee!

Got no jokes... Enjoyed reading them though.

[PurpleDragon]

I used to work with a bloke who was growing his own lemon tree in his office. He got a lemon, which amazed me because it wasn't a very big tree.

Keep us posted on your satsuma. I'm interested.