It's sanitary, isn't it???(very funny)

[Jarmara]

It's sanitary, isn't it???


This is a little long, but it is well worth the read!
I laughed so hard, I had to use the "restroom"!!!!!




When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you
check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's
Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook,
if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly
drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on
the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.........
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe
the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -
the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in
the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front
of your chest, and you and your purse topples backward against the tank of
the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door,
dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the
floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly
onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any,
even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew
because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
toilet seat because, frankly, dear,
"You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose that
somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At that point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your
pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel
and walk past the line of women, still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet
paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it to the woman's hand and tell her
warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used
and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and
why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

. . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom
(rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.
It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the door.
>

[9ball]

Wow... I thank the lord for my lovely lovely Y chromosome.

[Shirley]

Heeeehheeeeeee that really raised a laugh here!! Must share that one over on the Neeps forum too...

[Muddypause]

http://nbtsc.org/~ganimede/stp.html

(Just don't ask, OK?)

[9ball]

OMGROFLBBQ! Great find Muddypause, I particularly like the picture on it.

[Jarmara]

here is another one http://www.shewee.com/using.html i think it was on the dragons den tv program a Year or 2 back makes it abit easier down the lottie for us girls i guess

[Shirley]

I guess it beats getting yer bum stung by nettles eh! I bet you could make one out of a recycled plastic milk bottle

I see that they offer giftwrapping on the shewee... that would be a novel present for someone wouldn't it... errrm... wouldn't it??

[Annpan]

Come on ladies, hovering is the only way, followed by a quick wiggle if there is no loo roll...It is a fantastic workout - also does wonders for your pelvic floor control.

Shilz... watch out for those sharp edges on an old milk carton (and maybe keep an eye out for a patch of ground with low nettle-age. )

Ann Pan

[Boots]

For as long as I can remember, my Grandma would always remind me not to sit on the seat when we visited a public toilet. She had grown up in orphanages and once she had returned to live in the burbs, just about the whole street shared loos that were emptied by the 'nightman'. She convinced me from a very young age that there was something... (I never had any idea what, mind you...) just something, that was absolutely abominable about sitting on public toilet seats.

Once I had finished, she would always look at me sideways and whisper with a stern face," You didn't sit on the seat did you?".... "Did you?"
And I would assure her I hadn't.

Problem was, this brought about huge stress for me as a kid, because I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to NOT sit on the seat, but it seemed SO IMPORTANT... that I simply wasn't game to tell her I had. Instead, I wouldn't go! I would go into the stall peer around fearfully, flush and exit and simply hold on for dear life.

I went on to spend years peering fearfully into the bowl, lifting the lid and looking for some sign of something abominable, checking behind, and then when absolutely desperate, I'd climb up to stand with a foot on either side of the seat, clutching the cistern and squatting precariously over the bowl of oblivion, (because I was too small to straddle the thing!)... just so I could tell Grandma I had not sat on the seat, without lying.

It was not until my drunken teens that i eventually decided to ask someone about the fine art of standing to pee, because I still had not perfected the art, and you'd be surprised what strange reminders sneak into the heads of drunken teenagers when they are trying to keep their acts together. Having now grown to a suitable height to straddle the bowl, I found the whole process very noisy and was certain I still did not have the hang of it, as no-one else appeared to have Niagra Falls in their cubicle.

An older lady with a somewhat stale Liverpiddlian accent who happened to be in the nightclub loo overheard me muttering about it with some astonished looking girls. She asked me if my Grandma was British, which of course she is. She assured me that it was a British thing, and I was not supposed to straddle anything. I should simply stand to pee. Well, all girls present were stunned, including myself - BUT she offered no further explanation, so I remained baffled, and they remained disbelievers. That was about 20 years ago.

I must now thank my mate Muddy for answering the question that has plagued me since childhood.

Is there anything this man does not know?????

I'm off to see if I can write my name like my mate does!

[Shirley]

Awww Boots - what a story.

Isn't it amazing what our minds hold onto from our youth too - and yikes, don't we have to be careful not to scare our kids like that with something that we might say.

Will you be writing Boots or your real name

[Boots]

Well, I ended up with an i... but dotting it was trickier than I thought it would be.

[Jarmara]

ROFL BOOTS !!!

[Tay]

http://nbtsc.org/~ganimede/stp.html

(Just don't ask, OK?)

I'm compelled to ask!

[Shirley]

ROFL BOOTS !!!

coupled with your sig Jarmara - I think that's probably what Boots was doing at the time!!

[Karen_Grace]

Arrrrrrghha ha haaaaaa! My old man had to come in to see what I was cryin about! Havn't laughed so much for ages. Nice one! or two!