The lost art of conversation!

[happyhippy]

Hi everyone!
Has anyone else noticed this?Ok you meet someone,a friend,work colleaque,or acqaintance ,and after the initial "Hello how are you",the other person then proceeds to take over the conversation,and you're always the one left to just listen to them rambling on about their woes,issues and so on.You might try to politely cut in to say something,but no they cut you off first and its like "No You're listening to ME!!!Example?A work colleaque is around the same age as me(51)so we both have Mums that are quite old.Everytime we work together I ask her how her Mum is(she has ongoing health issues).My colleaque will then tell me all the ins/outs about her Mum,and in the 3 years we've worked together,not once has she asked me about my Mum,who also has ongoing health issues.Last week,my manager and I had to drive to a workshop together.The journey there was 30 minutes,and in that time he spoke about himself (earlier days of his youth going off the rails etc)and not once asked about my youth and what I was doing at that time!Don't get me wrong,I don't expect the convo to go the other way,where I'm the one constantly talking about me and my life,but balanced would be nice!!!I don't know how many people I've come across that only care/talk about themselves.I find it quite sad actually.Have people become so self centred that they don't care how anyone else is doing?I spoke to my 25yr old daughter last night and she is becoming just as annoyed as I am about this.Is it me?Do people assume its ok to offload on me all the time?My daughter told me the next person who does this to her,she is going to say after they've finished "Yeah and I'm fine too,thanks for not asking!!!!lol So people what do you think?Is it something you've noticed yourself?

[MyLovelyHorse2]

Yes, I've definitely noticed this.

I think that a lot of people are so wrapped up in their own lives, their own thoughts and feelings, that they don't pause to think about others. This shows in many ways, but one of them is in the lack of conversation you've noticed. Talking to other people, once you're past the basics of 'Yes, I'm alive and not doing too bad, thanks' seems to revolve around (1) whinging about things, (2) whinging about other people and (3) what was on TV last night/what will be on TV tonight. And to have someone actually ASK you anything is very rare. No wonder people take every opportunity to offload to a captive audience, whenever they find one.

We have a friend, a man in his 80s. He's very hard of hearing, widowed and lives alone. We go to see him regularly, and love visiting him. His conversation is so full - and it's conversation in the true meaning of the word: it goes both ways. He asks us what we think about various things that have appeared in the news, what we've done lately, what our plans are. And we reciprocate. It's lovely. But rare to find...

[boboff]

Well said.

Anyway, how are you doing today?

[oldjerry]

What's it to you??

[happyhippy]

MLH2,thats exactly what I mean!!!! A convo should be balanced,so you ask a question,other person answers,you comment or whatever,its not rocket science!lol My daughter is particularly affected by this issue.She told me last night she is turning slightly reclusive.Everytime she talks to someone,they're not interested in anything she has to say,just themselves.I think its to do with being polite myself.Years ago,people did talk alot more,no texting or FB messaging,just talking either face to face or by phone.Maybe people have lost the whole concept of conversation?

[happyhippy]

Boboff:Were you talking to me?If so,yes I'm very well today thankyou!How are you?Having a nice day so far?lol

[prison break fan]

I have a younger sister and we regularly talk on the phone for at least 30 mins all about her and her life, family, problems, etc, and then she will say - " oh must go, how are you? okay I hope, talk soon bye" Do I mind? yes I bloomin well do! pbf.

[MyLovelyHorse2]

I've been thinking about this. And talking to OH about it too. We do occasionally have conversations

I don't necessarily know that it's to do with politeness... I think much of it is to do with the fact that a huge proportion of communication these days is not face-to-face. People text, they use social 'networking' sites (erm ... guilty as charged... ), they do anything but sit down with someone and talk to them. (And even when they *are* sitting down face-to-face with someone, chances are that they're also receiving texts, phone calls, etc. Which is another can of worms altogether and drives me mad.) People seem to have lost the ability (or even the desire) to concentrate on any one thing at once - and a full conversation does require you to concentrate on one thing/person for a decent period of time.

OH has been thinking about this too, and in his opinion the problem comes from people not being able to think for themselves anymore. The media/TV/advertising/whoever have indoctrinated people so much that they don't have the capacity to think their own thoughts. All they can do is regurgitate what they've seen on TV (and actually, most conversations don't get much deeper than 'I saw XYZ on telly last night. It was really good'). And if you can't think for yourself, you can't generate a conversation. Hence... no conversations!

I've been assuming that this is a 'Western' phenomenon, but thinking about it, I wonder if it's actually just a UK/USA thing. Does anyone have any thoughts on that? Our French neighbours and friends are only too happy to have conversations, and to exchange ideas/thoughts with us...

[trinder]

I have two points to make here. Firstly I can probably be accused of the originator of this (in your opinion bad habit) because I usually find whatever the other person is saying fascinating. Maybe they are tellling me something new to me or maybe a way of looking at a subject differently to how I see it. So I have encouraged the other person by asking pertinant questions, so, they keep talking.

My other point is one of my friends is an absolute rambler the topic is always returned to her. I understand how we need to contextualise the information but she then turns the topic to a new direction. But most significantly she complains that no one listens to her.

[happyhippy]

Yes I also believe its to do with texting/messaging.MLH2 I lived in Australia for a long time,and visit regularly to see family/friends and I hate to say it(I'm british by the way)but aussies also like a good old yack,and its usually about really interesting subjects too.Not too sure about the younger generation though,bit out of touch tbh,except with my own kids.I do believe politeness does come into it because (1)being a good listener and (2)showing interest(and yes it works both ways)in the other persons convo.I just think its quite bizarre!lol

[boboff]

Personally I like to listen to people too, I ask questions, and they answer, I want to hear what they want to say. With several friends who are guilty of talking about themselves allot, over time I notice that they will some times ask my advise, and listen, as they believe that I am honestly interested in them, which I am, and that I care, which I do, which is nice.

However you do get people, who someone recently referred to as "two shits" i.e. if you have had one, they have had two..... I like that term, as it does sum up the cliche of bigger faster stronger better, or worser, bloodier, more painfull, depending on what the topic is, incidently it's my Mother and step mother, and another a couple of other more mature ladies who seem to excel in this sport.

As for me, I am well today.

[diggernotdreamer]

People in Ireland love to have a good aul chat, but they are always interested in everything going on and there is usually a good too way conversation and you feel really cheered up, the difference here is that people do not live on their computers, most people round here don't bother with it, so I think human to human interaction is the norm here. I had to phone someone in England the other day to do a job for us, his wife answered (he's not in) and in five minutes on the phone she managed to tell me about her health problems, the problems with her family etc etc (I am on my mobile international which she knows) and then she forgot to pass on the message on to him. Does it boil down to lack of human contact, couples not communicating with each other or that when you text or email or blog, there is no-one else there so you have forgotten the art of interaction. I am with you Boboff, much more interested in what other people have to say, especially the older people here who remember how things were done.

Irish Lady chat goes 'hello how are ye', grand so I am , and how is your mother, brother, sister, oh you know all well thanks be to God, how are things with ye, ah now me mother is in the hospital, but please God she will soon recover, but she is getting on so, ay I know well, we're none of us gettin any younger, and so on but it would be considered to be very rude not to enquire on both sides how everything is

[happyhippy]

Diggernotdreamer:Sounds like I need to move to Ireland! I really really miss a good old yack with someone!And I don't think its being nosey either.I am genuinely interested in other people,its just a shame that most of the time people are'nt interested in what I have to say,or it appears that way.I don't mind people rambling either as long as they ask you questions in return!People just seem so self absorbed these days,and lately its become really noticeable.Anyway,nice to talk to you!lol

[sleepyowl]

I'm guilty of talking way too much but then I don't think conversational skills, I realise when the other person hasn't said anything & make sure I get a two way dialogue going otherwise I think things would be quite boring