To be properly green, you will tie women to the house

[Flo]

Hamster got the discussion into context then.

It's nice to see people choosing to stay at home in order to run the family and house. And no you should not have to justify the decision you have made.

When I first posted, the thought at the back of my mind was that two generations of women in my family had no option but to be housewives because they were married with children. None of them wanted to be housewives but they lacked the choice to be other that because of the culture of the times. The fact that they were highly skilled at it and an education in green living is possibly something that a lot of us have lost or not seen.

But being properly green was certainly a full time occupation no matter how you shared out the work. And that has not changed. Being as green as possible requires an immense input in time and effort. Whether we can afford to succeed as well as my family has in the past is another matter . The magic word money seems to have become more important than the quality of life and the moral standards we value since the 1960s. And I include care of the environment as a moral standard.

[snapdragon]

.....

The magic word money seems to have become more important than the quality of life and the moral standards we value since the 1960s. And I include care of the environment as a moral standard.

sadly many folks believe that more money equals more quality of life

but then I am but an uneducated peasant so what do I know

[Clara]

I pretty much agree with all that has been said about women´s work as carers and providers ...... what the modern world lacks is a value system based on anything other than money, these roles are equally important and valuable. What we have gained in the last 50 years is the right to choose to do something else instead if we so feel, so anyone who is a "housewife" is excercising a choice, and choice as valid as choosing to go out to work (and my own personal contention is that raising the next generation and feeding the family is far more valuable and valid than most of the dull and (directly or indirectly) environmentally damaging work that others have forced into).

The Spanish term for housewife translates literally as SPIRIT OF THE HOUSE - which sums it up for me perfectly.

[Annpan]

The really sad thing is that I don't feel confident to tell people I am a housewife... I mean in this society 'housewife' has come to mean a layabout, watching TV, getting your hair done, chatting to your pals over a coffee at least 3 times a week... That is not what I am.

So I feel I have to explain that we are setting up a small-holding, and re-building part of our house, raising a child and yes I cook everything from scratch. Housewife doesn't quite sum that up does it?

It is so demeaning to have to explain the choice that we have made, and then it is really nobody's business I guess

[MKG]

I'm sorry to hear you say that, Annpan - you certainly have no apologies to make to anyone. Isn't the whole flow of this thread about the difference between a couple of generations ago and now? Women then did what they did because there was very little, if any, choice. That, though, didn't make an iota of difference to their necessary contribution to the family. The contribution nowadays, be you woman or man staying at home, is none the less. The difference is choice. The overwhelmingly modern ideological image of no-one at all staying at home is anathema, to me at least.

More power to the housewives/househusbands of the land.

[red]

The really sad thing is that I don't feel confident to tell people I am a housewife... I mean in this society 'housewife' has come to mean a layabout, watching TV, getting your hair done, chatting to your pals over a coffee at least 3 times a week... That is not what I am.

So I feel I have to explain that we are setting up a small-holding, and re-building part of our house, raising a child and yes I cook everything from scratch. Housewife doesn't quite sum that up does it?

It is so demeaning to have to explain the choice that we have made, and then it is really nobody's business I guess

hm yeh I agree with you Ann - I dislike the word 'housewife' as it does conjure up an image of - well - person who keeps house for the man

it always frustrates me that people will judge you buy your job. For some people their job is the major part of their life.. their career and passion in one. for most of us it is a means to get by so we can enjoy the other parts of our lives. if you fall into the second group of people - then it seems odd to judge people this way. almost like it is some competition

I was at a party once, and this witch (twas a hallowe'en party!) kept asking everyone 'what do you do?'
I'm afraid i got a bit drunk (had the rare opportunity of overnight child care and let my (witch's) hair down a tad) and went around asking everyone what they doooooooo ... oh dear...
My mum, who was a housewife in her time used to say 'a kept woman' or 'as little as possible' - neither were true.. but it stopped people asking.

I used to say 'raising my child' and these days I say 'home educator' - but that last always starts conversations I don't necessarily want to have right now. its ok if it is someone else thinking about home ed themselves.. but just sometimes they take it as a challenge to their choice of school ...

as to the 'value' of a parent/provider/home maker etc.. well .. there is fat chance of getting money from the government for the role, and as for non monetary value - who else has to value it but your immediate family and yourself?

[Stonehead]

But no you can’t live properly green in the sense of zero waste, reduce, reuse, recycle if one person out of the family is not at home full time.

But why does it have to be the woman? I'm firmly tied to the children, house and croft, but the last time I looked I was male...







(Sorry for the delay, I thought I'd better I check again.)

[johnhcrf]

That is perfectly valid too. Family life is good and men can be part of the child rearing, though women are better with the emotions.

[Ellendra]

Don't know how much this contributes to the discussion, but after reading this thread, I've got the song "Mr. Mom" running through my head, and since it won't stop I'm giving it to you too: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/lonestar/mrmom.html

[johnhcrf]

good one, Ellendra. It is a hard job for a man. I was a carer for my late mother and I enjoyed it. But that was only 1 person. Running after kids as well I would not have had the patience.

[Millymollymandy]

The really sad thing is that I don't feel confident to tell people I am a housewife... I mean in this society 'housewife' has come to mean a layabout, watching TV, getting your hair done, chatting to your pals over a coffee at least 3 times a week... That is not what I am.

So I feel I have to explain that we are setting up a small-holding, and re-building part of our house, raising a child and yes I cook everything from scratch. Housewife doesn't quite sum that up does it?

It is so demeaning to have to explain the choice that we have made, and then it is really nobody's business I guess

Your definition of housewife is my definition of 'Lady Who Lunches'. As far as I'm concerned I'm a housewife, without the kids! It's no big deal in France, but in England (specifically London) when I was living there, everybody worked, so being a housewife was a very unusual thing, mostly because both partners needed to work to pay the mortgage, whether they had kids or not. Perhaps it's changed now?

[ukwife]

I am quite partial to the term "domestic Goddess" and have used it on a few forms. Housewife doesn't seem to fit .. I'm not married to my house.
Okay I'm not really a Goddess either but if you don't tell then I won't.

[Clara]

I am quite partial to the term "domestic Goddess" and have used it on a few forms. Housewife doesn't seem to fit .. I'm not married to my house.
Okay I'm not really a Goddess either but if you don't tell then I won't.

I´m sure you are.....on another forum which I frequent my sig line reads:

bread-baking, jam-making, earth-digging 21st century domestic goddess

I think that pretty much sums up most of us ish-ladies!

[mrsflibble]

Yet again, my choice to be a housewife is a financial one. The wages I earnt at my old job (and could potentially earn in that industry again without more qualifications, which cost money) wouldn't even have covered childcare costs which would have been high due to the hours I worked.
So I stayed at home, and I don't regret my decision at all. I love the time I spend with soph, ok if we needed me to I'd find a job, but at the moment we are quite happy (if a little brassic at the end of the month) on jim's wages. If he does as much overtime as he did last month,every month we'd be positively well-off; but he'd be dead from exhaustion in less than 6 months lol!
He does hard, manual labour but is paid very well indeed for it.


I don't like intoruding myself as a housewife as it causes downward looks and "oh poor you" comments. I am terrible at tidying, REALLY REALLY bad in fact, but my house is just untidy rather than unclean. I'm sooo not a domestic godess, but I am resourceful. This is another skill which has come about through lack of available cash for most of my life lol!!! I thank my mum for her passing down this innate ability to see something and think "I can make xxx out of that" etc.

Yes life was hard years ago, and if all goes my way I'd not give up my creature comforts like my computer (second hand refurb), cooker (second hand) dryer (freecycle), my washer (3 years old and fixed whenever it breaks down), fridge and freezer (both second hand). I also enjoy the luxury of a car... but with rising fuel prices jim's looking into electric conversions (in the same kind of style as the Tesla electric sports car).

I am not tied to the house, nor do I feel tied down by my marriage and Sophie. They are the best bits in my life. I didn't have a hen night because I didn't feel I was being fenced in.

I like seeing my friends for coffee; but when they come to my house that also means I get the fun of washing the cups. And tidying before they arrive. Meeting up with friends in town is no more akin to being a layabout either; it's a mile and a half to the nearest café and I'm buggered if I'm gonna get spend money on a bus when it's quicker and cheaper to walk it. Every trip into town is a bit more fat off my butt so I'm enjoying my location.

M mum in law had a harder life as a housewife; husband who didn't do anything to help around the house, 3 kids, no real mod cons except a cooker and a fridge freezer; but she made the best of it and managed to raise 3 wonderful men out of her little boys. I am incredibly lucky to have the man I've got, who does all the things he does for me and soph and I really owe his attitude to family, work and lifestyle to his mum.

I really detest saying housewife as my occupation because of all the bad connotations with it. I've taken to putting "artist" on forms which request my occipation 'cos I don't like the term "unemployed" either; 'cos I'm not.

I got a letter from the tax office recently stating that they realise I'm out of work right now but when I return to work blah blah blah... All I wrote to them was that I left my job in 2005 due to ill health in pregnancy, and have been a stay-at-home-mum ever since. grrrr I do work!! I chase a two year old, naturist, parrot of a toddler around the house. I teach her things. I asked her what her favorite flower was yesterday and she said "pink hyacinth" hows that for home schooling?!

stuff other people's definitions. I'm me. I'm glad I live in the here and now 'cos if I'd had soph 10 years ago and had the complications which we did during her birth, neither of us would be alive right now.

ps: I am not giving up my washer and dryer unless the electricity stops completely.

[ina]

I've taken to putting "artist" on forms which request my occipation 'cos I don't like the term "unemployed" either; 'cos I'm not.

Keeping house definitely is an art - a lot of people can't do it! And I find that attitude of the tax office rather annoying, too - to put it politely. As if it was mandatory to go out to work...