101 ways to make your coworker disappear

[the.fee.fairy]

Someone must come up with some good ones...please....insanity is just round the corner!

[Merry]

coworker - is this somebody who orks cows?

[wulf]

1. Garlic. It's very healthy. I remember once when I had a heavy cold and so decided to have spaghetti garnished with chopped raw garlic for breakfast. I'm not sure if it was quite the cure I'd hoped for but at least no-one else came near enough to catch it!

Wulf

[Wombat]

1. Garlic. It's very healthy. I remember once when I had a heavy cold and so decided to have spaghetti garnished with chopped raw garlic for breakfast. I'm not sure if it was quite the cure I'd hoped for but at least no-one else came near enough to catch it!

Wulf

Oh wow, Wulf! For breakfast ! That sounds positively lethal!

Nev

[Wombat]

2. Paint dots on your skin, sneeze a lot and mumble something about your smallpox not getting any better......

[Bonniegirl]

Eat plenty of cabbage!

[pskipper]

East lots of beans and Jerusalem Artichokes.

Get a pencil sharpner and sharpen every pencil in the office whilst looking at your co-workers and giggling

Start telling them about your imaginary ailments, give graphic details about your prolapsed small intestine which you just keep having to pop back in.

Smile and be serene for a couple of days, when they ask you whats up tell them you have found christ/mohamed/budda [please insert religion of choice] and have they seen the light yet.

Come into work wearing a knife at your belt and put a statue of Kahli in her aspect of the 'dread devourer' on your desk, if anyone complains report them for religous harrassment.

[Thomzo]

9. Easy. Every time they even look in your direction just say "oooh good, I'm glad I've caught you I need a hand with this". They'll soon avoid you like the plague if they think you're going to keep asking them to do things.

Zoe

[Andy Hamilton]

I have a confession to make, I once worked in an open plan office. A bloke that I used to nod my head to in the local started work there. I had no idea how annoying he was until he sat opposite me. He used to mumble rubbish all day, worse very boring rubbish. He could not pick up the easiest of tasks either and kept coming round for me to show him and he drank too much coffee (was not pleasant).

I used to get on really well with my immediate boss. I had a word with her and asked if he could be moved. She moved him alright, right down to the job center.

So 10. get them the sack.

[pskipper]

11. as they start to walk over to you surrepticiously slide your handset off the phone and call their extension :)

[Milims]

12 Convince them that the shredder is actually a tie drying machine and then accidentally trip up and spill your coffee over them..........

13 Tell a gullable coworker that important faxes have to go via the "confidential" fax in the corner and point to the shredder!!!

[Bonniegirl]

14. Compost 'em

[Jarmara]

mix laxative powder in with the sugar

sing Mary Poppins songs

goto work wrapped in an orange sheet and sit there chanting "Hari hari hari"

put a sign on your desk saying you have taken a vow of silence.

tell them you find the subject of canabalism fasinating whilst pulling a bottle of Chanti out of you bag and a pot of Flava beans

or you could simply say "im on new medication so you better not talk to me till i say it ok too"

[Thomzo]

mix laxative powder in with the sugar

We used to have to provide our own tea and coffee at work and my department ran a kitty. A few years ago, someone else kept pinching our milk - even though it clearly had our department's name written on it.

So for a joke we spread a rumour that we had laced the milk with laxatives. They stopped nicking it after that!

Another one - dummy up an e-mail that appears to come from the big boss to the HR manager saying that he can't stand said coworker doing whatever is so offensive and recommending he be sacked immediately. Then forward to said co-worker under the pretence of being concerned for their welfare.

[Karen_D]

Change all the coffee in the office to decaff for a week and then swap it back. Might not get rid of them but it will be funny.

A loud "How DARE you! That's disgusting, you PERVERT" if the coworker is a bloke might send him scurrying.