Meeting like-minded people

[hamster]

Am going to have a little moan/rant so please bear with me...

I moved here in the summer and am living with my bf, love him to bits, very happy to be living with him and we have a lovely (if chilly at times) house.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find anyone else here that I really get on with. I never expected it to be like uni and knew it would take longer to make friends, but after 6 months I still don't feel like I know anybody well enough even to ask them for coffee or a drink or something. I keep joining things and going along to things - I'm taking this sewing course, I've been to dancing classes (then they moved them!), conservation group, environment groups, choirs... I am quite shy, but I know I have to make an effort, and I feel like I'm doing everything and putting myself out there and chatting to people and not getting anywhere. The bf has friends from work who I know and we all go to the pub and stuff, but it still feels like making small talk, and I haven't really 'clicked' with anyone.

I work from home, and when I did work in offices... well, it just seemed to be full of people who hated their job and got drunk at the weekend to forget about it.... My area is one of those places where nobody talks to each other and your next-door neighbour could die and you might not notice until three weeks later when you ring the council to complain about the smell.... I want to meet, well, people like you lot, who are actually interested in doing things and making things and growing things and understand that a poached free-range egg on home-made toast is nicer than a meal in some mediocre chain restaurant! Except who are near enough to drop round and visit occasionally! You're all lovely, but even so, it's not quite the same...

I don't really see what I can do beyond making an effort to find groups of people with similar interests and plugging away being friendly, but it can get so wearing at times. My friends from uni visited this weekend and I realised how much I missed having people nearby who I really feel close to. I really hate that I'm whinging about it on the internet, but.... well, this is really the most rewarding form of social interaction I have atm. I don't quite know what I expect any of you to do, but if any of you have been in similar situations then any suggestions would be much appreciated...

Sorry for the self-indulgent drivel, thanks for listening.

[red]

it will probably depress you to know then, that I officially gave up trying. Life has been easier since then.

Other people don't get it. sometimes they get part of it.. eg, various gardens were open in the village one day last year, so we did the rounds and chatted away about vegetables - and we have something in common.. but as soon as we got onto slug control.. they said 'oh just throw some pellets down' and we were not on the same planet after all.

But the chances of finding someone with exactly the same ideas as me is very slim, and luckily OH and I have very very similar ideas.. and we settle for that. As for the rest of the world, well if we have one thing in common, then thats fineand we might get along.
Celebrate the internet.. its not such a bad way of meeting people. I have met people in real life and they became real friends and *embarrased cough*I met my OH through the internet ...we found out we were going to the same festival and decided to meet... the rest is a decade old history....

[Stonehead]

Having lived in about 40 different places since I was a child, I've long learned to just get on with doing my thing and not worry about finding new friends in every new place I happen to pause. Should I meet like-minded people along the way, brilliant. Otherwise, who cares?

One thing I have noticed is that the two worst places to make new friends and meet like-minded people are small rural villages and very large cities. It's the in-between places that are easiest.

[ina]

Keep on ranting - here's the place you can do it!

I know what you mean, though. And I must admit, too, that without the internet I wouldn't have a social life at all. Well, apart from one friend I've met through work... Everybody else I know in the area (and that often means an hour or two of driving in this rural place!) I know through the forums I'm on; this one to start with, and then Shirlz from here started a local one (NEEPS), and I've never looked back. (If you have the time, maybe you could start a local branch of SSish?)

So don't give up, just don't make yourself worry too much about it; keep asking if there's anybody local on the forum (and maybe on others similar to this, if there's nobody here), and go and meet them.

Must tell you about this weekend past: on Saturday I went "down south" (well, Fife) and met people from the Fife Diet challenge - they are mentioned somewhere here as well, I think, and I've got to know them better through their blog. And on Sunday I met even more people - I went "up north" (Peterhead) and visited 4 lots of folk, all of whom I know through SSish and NEEPS! (Thank you Stoney, for a lovely bun and stroooong cuppa - and I'm looking forward to next weekend when I'll try your tattie wine! )

[Annpan]

I don't have that many friend's either... we moved here 9 months ago, one kindly lady I have met through Mums and Toddlers' group, pops in for coffee. I have also lost contact with just about all my friends from Glasgow...

We have tried to open up alot, coming from a big scary city, that's not so easy. But people just don't like the idea of our Greenie way of life, or if they do, they tend to have older kids, or none at all, when you have a young one, it sort of governs the friends you make... which is another reason that online friends have been so priceless.

It is just something we live with, when you choose to live this kind of life, maybe you alienate yourself from the majority.

Then again Hamster... maybe it's one of those things that happen as soon as you stop looking for it

I think that Neeps is great, maybe you should franchise it Shirlz

[Milims]

Red - don't be embarrassed I MET MY OH THRU THE INTERNET TOO!. It really is a great place to meet people. You can spend time getting to know them and if at any point you decide you don't wan't to know them you can switch them off!! It's much safer than giving a bloke your phone number after a couple of drinks in a pub! We too don't have many "forreal" friends, it's too difficult with work/home/kids etc, here we can talk with like minded people and feel comfortable enough to do so as it's a bit more anonymous, but then by doing so we build a feeling of trust so that if we should ever meet in the "forreal" then there probably won't be the usual barriers and discomforts.

[Helsbells]

And Red I met my Boyfriend through the internet too In fact we met through the Reading festival website, and then met at Reading festival 7 years ago!!

Hamster, I live in Lower Earley, we could meet up?

[amecoy75002]

I understand. I live in Texas USA and being green is just not accepted by a lot of people. I have been in Allen Tx for 17 years and while I I have 1 very good friend who lived across the street and 8 neighbors that I talk to and borrow/lend things back and forth, but we are not really "friends" in the deep meaningful connection way. I too have joined groups and attended classes, etc. with not luck

The last few years I have just decided to live my life my way and see what happens. Makes life much less stressful

[Busy Bee]

Hey Hamster :) Well, you know what I'm doing... :D

My story reads like Red's...and I met my hubby via the internet! I gave up after five years of trying to fit in here and now we are moving somewhere else. I'm not expecting to have a billion friends when I move, but having lived all over the country I know that the SE is possibly one of the worst places for people like us to be living.

The internet has been my saviour these past few years.

[eccentric_emma]

I agree, I'm in the SE and it is difficult, I barely see any courses or classes, or places I want to go around where I live. So I do rely on the internet a lot to talk to like minded people. Saying that, a lot of my friends are moving towards greener living, and our town just opened a university (specialising in arts) so hopefully the influx of students will help. Unfortunately a lot of the problem with making friends is that so many people are suspicious of strangers, it makes it difficult to open up.

[red]

maybe we should start a club... people who met their OH through t'internet!

[Welsh Girls Allotment]

SS ish must be the magnet for all us Billy ddim frinds (Billy no mates for the non Welsh amongst us )

I am in exactly the same position, I sometimes feel really isolated my only real friend is my mother - she understands me as she has the same outlook on life home brew, allotment, making clothes etc. There must be like minded people in my area but they are certainly keeping themselves cwtched away !!

I sympathise with you but if you find the solution - please let me know

[Busy Bee]

I agree, I'm in the SE and it is difficult, I barely see any courses or classes, or places I want to go around where I live.

Back in the day when I was still trying and making an effort I found a couple of classes I was interested in, but every time they would be cancelled through lack of interest!

[snapdragon]

Moving from place to place when dragon had that sort of job I found the best way to feel at home was to shop - -

But Shop locally - chat to the shopkeeper - buy something ever so small that you need (envelope, pack of screws, two apples, a birthday card for justin case's birthday, or browse if its that sort of shop)
go back the next day or the day after and buy another small thing, you will start to be recognised and meet people in passing too

[Tomr]

Maybe we should start a SS dating service!

Or maybe more practical would be a register of people looking to meet others (for friendship, romance or free loan of garden tools) in their area.
A list organized by region or county would be easy to do. Thoughts?