Mixed feeding...well, just a little

[npsmama]

My 2nd baby is 10 weeks old and has been breastfed exclusively.
The sleep deprivation is really getting to me. I have PND and also have a very active 2.5yo to look after so sleeping during the day isn't an option as he doesn't nap anymore.

I'm considering giving my youngest a bottle before bedtime so that hopefully I can have more than 2 hrs sleep in a row!

I never gave my eldest a bottle and he woke 14x a night at his worst so I'm dealing with 2.5y of severe sleep deprivation.
I'm a very strong advocate of breastfeeding and I'm not casually thinking of giving formula - it really is bc I'm reaching my physical limit.

Any thoughts appreciated.

[glenniedragon]

How about expressing a feed- the convienence of bottle feeding without losing the benefit of breast milk? If you express you can sweet talk your OH to do a feed/feeds during the night to let you catch up a bit. At 10 wks you've prob just gone through one of their nightmarish growth spurts so fingers crossed it will get better for you. Very often NCT groups have expressors to borrow, they might be worth a try.

It will get better, they do grow up- they will be bringing you breakfast in bed one day!

kind thoughts
Deb

[npsmama]

I hadn't thought of that possibility. It would be a good idea except DH deals with our toddler who still wakes about 4x a night so I can't really ask him to deal with the baby - we'd just be swapping kids!

[Helsbells]

I am not a parent, so I cant speak from experience, but it sounds like you are doing a really amazing job. I dont see what the problem would be with giving one formula bottle a day, (they do organic I am sure?) You need your rest, it sounds like your burning the candle at both ends, and you dont want to burn out altogether, that wont help you or your babies. More sleep might help with the PND too. I think you have got the most important stage of breastfeeding done, isnt it the first few weeks whrer they build up their natural immunity etc?
Well done for what your doing, you sound like a fantastic mum.
Helen

[Esther.R]

I can totally sympathise, and I did go down that route of an extra bottle, however I have to say it made absolutely no difference to her sleeping, even weaning (it was really hard to hold out to 6 months on that one) made no difference, then we moved her into her own room at 8 months and she has slept through the night ever since (she has just turned 2). Huge sympathy as I also suffered with PND and it was terrible, mine actually turned out to be an underactive thyriod and is now stable on medication and the feeling is mazing, but it took a year before it was diagnosed and then 9 months to stabilise on medication so I have been there and can totally sympathise

Have you had any luck with trying anything to get the toddler to stop waking in the night, that must be a nightmare. I would have thought the route to go down might be to try and wean the toddler off the night waking rather than trying to get the baby to sleep longer as most toddlers are capable of sleeping through whereas only a small number of babies do. I'm not suggesting you haven't tried anything, I'm sure you have tried anythign and everything! Justr trying to think of how to deal with the problem as it must be a living nightmare at times.

Oh and justr to add, I ended up having to give up sole breastfeeding at a week, and altogether at 6 weeks due to low milk supply, caused as we now know by my thyriod problem (nightmare at the time as all the books/midwives say there is no such thing as a low milk supply and I felt terribly responsible as I tried everything, including hiring a hospital breastpump to get my milk in but nothing worked and I had a 9lb 9 baby!) She was reared from 6 weeks exclusively on the bottle and she is a fit , active and bright toddler so don't despair if you cannot continue to feed and certainly not for adding one bottle at that age, I know it does help some to sleep longer so I hope it helps your little one :)

[npsmama]

we've tried weaning our 2yo from waking up - nothing has worked but then again it's my fault for co-sleeping.
we've just moved in this house and the 2 bedrooms are opposite ends of the cottage. i'm already so tired that i really don't fancy trecking to the other side of the cottage during the night.

my youngest slept thru the night/woke only once a night until about 2 weeks ago when he started waking 4-5x.

[Annpan]

I had to stop breast-feeding when E was just 10 days old...

I am stubborn as a blimmin mule, and I did not give up easily... I actually nearly killed myself - long story short - flat nipples (TMI ), expressed every feed - cracked nipples - mastitis - penecilin - anafalactic shock - anti-lactating anti-hystamines

I punnished myself terribly for it, I really blamed myself for being a bad Mum. I am not. I am a great mum, and so are you... you are not super woman, you need a break.

I now firmly believe BF is wonderful, but, in most cultures where extended breastfeeding works, the burden is shared between several women. We live more insular lives in this culture, if you are the sole carer (I am assuming your OH is out the house 10 hours a day, and asleep for 8 hours a night) of this tiny baby you need to rest, too take a break and allow your body to recover. Thats without factoring in the thought of another child who doesn't sleep through the night.

We have options open to us. Formula is not a poison, it is a great substitute for the real thing, it will give your baby everything he/she needs, and he/she will grow up healthy and strong and to love you dearly.

It is your choice, don't be bullied into anything.

Please try to make an educated descision - there are too many sanctamonious breast-feeding advocates, who cannot see that it is not always possible for all women.

[snapdragon]

I too had to give a night time bottle with my second baby, I was quite lucky after the inital week of dificulty with my first and managed to feed each of them to past 12 months but- running around after a toddler all day you sometimes cant get sufficient rest to produce enough milk, don't beat yourself up over it, PND is so horrid and makes you tense so anything that will help relax you is good

You may also find (as I did) that when you don't have to be up a lot in the night that your toddler will settle better.

I know it's a big no-no now - but I used to bring mine into our bed and feed lying down - would wake in the morning a bit lop-sided but wtf it worked

[kiery]

I breastfed my eldest for six months. I gradually gave her a bottle; first with expressed milk and then formula to help me get some much needed sleep.

Circumstances dictated that I could only breastfeed my second child for two days . I felt terrible for months and so guilty; i like pevious replies felt like a bad mum.

However, please remember breastfeeding is only one part of being a mother.

If you decide to; please don't feel too bad about giving up exclusively breastfeeding. I was so hung up on breastfeeding at one stage I made myself pretty ill.

I am sure you are a wonderful mum and that you will make the right decision for you all.

[circlecross]

similar situation, our 2.5yo (now 3.5yo ) started waking when ds2 born. I was feeding ds2 ALL the time and would've given anything to give him a bottle but he wanted booby and nothing but. I was knackered. Moved him just recently to his own room, and ds1 still wakes occassionally but is less inclined to need us now he doesn't think he is missing the party. (I am usually in ds2 room on the futon for most of the night ).

ds2 self weaned off booby at 11 months when I got my second bout of mastitis and he can't've liked the taste of antibiotics.

the point? Most children go through phases of sleeping, not sleeping, feeding, not feeding. Are you near relatives or friends that you can pass the kids over to for an afternoon and GET SOME SLEEP! Do not do the housework in this time.

I didn't have pnd but did have a caesarian which p***ed me off so it can be hard to enjoy being a mum again, but the odd bottle of formula is not a failure, early weaning if your baby needs it and to look after yourself because that is the most important thing for your kids to have you fit and well!

[Clara]

First of all - BIG HUGS - I have soooooo been that tired.

Can I recommend a forum for support and advice - www.mothering.com/discussions . Thousands of BFing mamas there, most of whom will have been through that phase and will not flame you for thinking of the bottle.

Just try to remember that, like everything, this too will pass. Often what seems like forever is only a short period of time, just when you´re tired it seems like eternity. If it were me, and once it was, I would just remember the best bit of advice I was ever given (by my midwife) when it comes to raising a baby - SURRENDER! That´s not to say give up, but just go with the flow. Take your baby into bed and feed and sleep and feed and sleep......

I´m not going to pass judgement on anyone´s choices, but I can´t let this topic pass without saying that formula is NOT a "perfectly acceptable alternative" to BM. It was invented as a medicine for those that could not feed for medical reasons. And IMO that´s where it should have stayed (though third in line behind milk banks and wet nurses).

I will wager that I am the only person on this forum to have seen patents for formula and the industrial processes it goes through (as thick as your wrist). Even organic formula. It is the turkey twizzler of the baby world.

Get some rest mama, take it easy and please check out that forum, I have had some fab advice from there.

Clara x.[/url]

[mrsflibble]

I HAD to bottle feed soph because she wasn't getting enough out of my breasts,and I had to go on strong medication when she was 8 weeks old. Even if I could have bf, I still would have kept on with a bottle or two a day just so soph would sleep. I don't believe my decision was wrong. so for me bottle feeding THE ONLY alternative and I don't believe anyone should be berrated for not being able to cope with bf ESPECIALLY if they have another child to cope with as well. for some poeple it's just not possible to cope with that little sleep and I would rather see a happy mother and a bottle fed baby than a sick mum, unhappy baby 'cos it's feeling your bad vibes and an all round bad situation. there is too much emphasis on making mothers feel bad for not beeing able to bf, they shouldn't be.

sophie is happy, healthy, intelligent and it's not from my boobs, that's for sure.

[Clara]

I HAD to bottle feed soph because she wasn't getting enough out of my breasts,and I had to go on strong medication when she was 8 weeks old. Even if I could have bf, I still would have kept on with a bottle or two a day just so soph would sleep. I don't believe my decision was wrong. so for me bottle feeding THE ONLY alternative and I don't believe anyone should be berrated for not being able to cope with bf ESPECIALLY if they have another child to cope with as well. for some poeple it's just not possible to cope with that little sleep and I would rather see a happy mother and a bottle fed baby than a sick mum, unhappy baby 'cos it's feeling your bad vibes and an all round bad situation. there is too much emphasis on making mothers feel bad for not beeing able to bf, they shouldn't be.

sophie is happy, healthy, intelligent and it's not from my boobs, that's for sure.

I don´t think I berated anyone - I´m certainly not up for making "bad mother" vs "good mother" nonsense - it´s a hard enough job.

I was just trying to put an alternative point of view, a sole pro-BF voice is not what I would call "too much emphasis.....".

[circlecross]

I'm all for BF - but it can be hard work esp if you have another child or if you have to go out to work. I would have relished ds2 taking a bottle even of expressed milk but the little wretch knew how to play it! he has terrible eczema, probably asthma, rotten immune system! But he is bright, cute and loving. I am knackered, raddled and droopy!!! It is hard work, but worthwhile. But a bottle can be an alternative, even to give mum a rest from holding the baby, if not from "Feeding" it.

[npsmama]

Thank you everyone.
It's a super sensitive subject for any mum - whether they've breastfed or bottlefed so I doubly appreciate people being honest and voicing their opinions.